


And Another Day Passes

by FandomTrash24601



Series: Guide Me Home [3]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-14
Updated: 2019-03-20
Packaged: 2019-06-10 03:23:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 29,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15282519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FandomTrash24601/pseuds/FandomTrash24601
Summary: A collection of short stories and excerpts from the ha'karr-verse.





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joanna has a few conversations.
> 
> Set several months after the end of Just The Planets.

As most of their conversations started, Joanna sent T'Mira a quick _'Hey, are you available?'_

T'Mira responded promptly with a, _'Yes.'_

_So I found out today that my dad is fighting for visitation at the least, maybe partial custody._

It was just a statement of fact, but Joanna hesitated before hitting send. Her and T'Mira had become really close during Joanna's time on New Vulcan and even closer since Joanna's return, but still the nerves and hesitancy were there.

_That is good. I may not be speaking verbally to you, but you do not seem excited. What is troubling you?_

Joanna let her lips twitch into a small smile. Vulcans claimed to be all non-emotional, but T'Mira was picking up on Joanna's moods across a vast expanse of literal space.

_Mama threw a fit, even bigger than the one she threw when I told her I met my dad. She was yelling a lot and said it was my fault that my dad is trying to take me from her, as if he was fighting for full custody or something. He just wants to see me._

_Most illogical of her._

Joanna laughed at that, just a little huff. She loved when T'Mira used the word 'illogical,' even if it did sound a little condescending sometimes. Occasionally, even though she didn't realize it, her nose would wrinkle just the tiniest bit when she said 'illogical.' Joanna thought it was adorable.

_She's the one who used connections with her lawyer friends to ensure my dad never got to see me, anyways. If either of them are guiltier than the other, it's her._

_A logical path of reasoning. Did you inform her of your thoughts on the manner?_

Joanna felt a little bloom of pride at being called logical. Coming from a Vulcan, 'logical' was a great compliment.

_No. I didn't have time between all of the yelling and her ordering me to go to my room._

_Most unfortunate._

_Not really, that probably only would've made Mama angrier. Sometimes I wish Humans were more like Vulcans- I hate it when she yells at me, it's a terrible way to get a point across._

_You will doubtlessly find my next statement amusing, but I sometimes wish that Vulcans were more like Humans._

She did find the statement amusing, and grinned widely before responding.

_I'm not going to lie, sometimes I wish Vulcans were a little more human, too, or at least a little less serious about adhering strictly to Surak's teachings. I think that's why I liked Spock so much._

_I found myself quite partial to Commander Spock as well, when I finally met him. He is an ideal Vulcan, from my perspective._

She let out a giggle at that reply, wondering if T'Mira had a juvenile crush on the Commander like so many others that Joanna knew. It was quite likely.

_And what did you think of the other Enterprise crew members that you met?_

_I found Captain Kirk to possess a series of quite admirable qualities, humbleness among them. It is most curious for a man who has achieved as much as he has to insist that he is not to be praised for his achievements. Captain Kirk is also incredibly selfless, given his importance. He did not hesitate to protect both of us, despite the fact that he felt he would most likely die._

Joanna frowned at the last sentence. She remembered the fall perfectly, the memory vivid still after several months. The terror, the feeling of the hot wind rushing past her, the squeeze of Jim's arms around her and T'Mira. The impact was what she remembered least, truly.

_How do you know that?_

_I was pressed rather tightly between the two of you, and your terror made both of your thoughts easily detectable. He was fairly certain that he would not survive the fall, however he was more worried about your father's reaction to your fall than his own demise._

_Oh._

_You seem shocked._

_I mean, yeah, I am. You'd think someone as important as Jim would consider his own life pretty important._

_One would think so, yes. Captain Kirk often refuses to be held within typical constraints, though._

_That's true._

_I must go, but I anticipate our next conversation._

Joanna smiled and sent a, _'Me too.'_

As if Jocelyn had somehow been waiting for their conversation to end, as soon as Joanna set her PADD down there was a knock on the door. Joanna sat up and looked at the door with a frown as it creaked open to reveal her mother.

"I'm sorry, baby," Jocelyn said. "It's just that your father makes me so mad, sometimes."

"You ain't sorry," Joanna said, "you just want me to stop bein' mad at you."

Jocelyn scowled.

"Well it's true," Joanna said defensively. "You meant everythin' you said."

"No I didn't, honey."

"Yes you _did_. I ain't stupid, Mama."

"I never said you were," Jocelyn snapped.

"Well you're treating me like I am," Joanna snapped back. "I don't know why you hate my dad so much, but he's a good person, and he has just as much right to see me as you do."

Jocelyn pursed her lips until they turned white around the edges and said, very tensely, "I don't want to hear another word out of your mouth about your father." Before Joanna could reply, she turned and left the room, shutting the door firmly behind her.

Joanna let out an aggravated sigh and picked up her PADD again, going to a fairly new contact labeled 'Leo.' It was disguised to seem like someone from school, when in reality it was anything but.

_Hey, dad._

It was a good five minutes before she got a response, but Joanna could read concern in every word.

_Hi, darlin. Is something wrong?_

_Mama found out that you're trying to get partial custody today. She didn't take it very well._

_I'm so sorry, baby. Was she just cursing my name or did she yell at you, too?_

_She yelled at me too. She said it was my fault that you were fighting her for me after all these years._

_Oh, Joey, I'm sorry. You don't deserve to be thrown into the middle of the fray like this. This should just be between me and your mama. Are you alright?_

Her father's concern for her made Joanna smile as a warm feeling bloomed in her chest. His love and affection seemed far from temporary- it was obvious through every message he sent.

_Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just mad at her because she's treating me like I'm stupid. I know she meant it when she said it was my fault, but she said she didn't when she tried to apologize._

_I understand, baby. I know you said you're fine, but is there anything I can do to help improve your mood?_

Joanna glanced around her room, and her gaze settled on her calendar. The picture for the month was a golden retriever puppy playing in a pile of leaves. It was such an adorable picture that Joanna couldn't help but smile every time she saw it.

_Maybe dog photos, if you have any?_

_I don't have any dog photos, darlin, but I do have a captain that acts like a puppy._

Joanna laughed, wondering how Jim would react to being likened to a puppy.

_Pictures of Jim will have to do, I suppose._

There was silence from her dad for a few minutes, and then a picture arrived on her PADD. It was of Jim sitting in his captain's chair, halfway through talking to the photo taker- presumably her dad. His eyes were half shut, his mouth opened and a hand partway through making some movement. In the background, she could see Spock bent over his station. Jim looked totally ridiculous, and Joanna couldn't help but giggle.

_Wow, what an amazing puppy. I'm sure he'll win all sorts of good looks competitions._

_He likes to think so._

Joanna laughed again, shaking her head.

_Dinner is soon, so I should go, but tell everyone hello from me!_

_Alright darlin, I will. Love you bunches._

_Love you too, dad._


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bones' first night with Joanna after achieving joint custody.
> 
> Set about a year after the end of Just The Planets.

The first shore leave after Bones won partial custody was two weeks exactly, meaning that Bones got Joanna for the whole thing. The arrangement had been thus: if shore leave within the solar system was of the duration two weeks or less, Bones got Joanna for the entire duration. If shore leave within the solar system was longer than two weeks, Bones and Jocelyn alternated custody of Joanna on a weekly basis, with Bones getting to choose which week(s) he wanted.

"One day longer and I wouldn't have had her the whole time," Bones muttered. "Stars."

"Think positive, Bones!" Jim said, slapping Bones' shoulder. "You get your baby girl for fourteen whole days!"

That managed to get a small smile out of Bones, who said, "Damn right I do. Well, no- thirteen days. The debriefings will take a whole day."

"Better thirteen than six," Jim said. "Where will you be staying? She can't come to San Fran, since she's got school."

"I'll be staying with my mama. It's in Jo's school district, so she'll be able to get to school."

"That sounds great, Bones." Jim grinned widely.

"Where'll you be going, Jim?"

"Oh, I dunno." Jim shrugged. "Maybe Nepal? Spock would probably like that, considering the monks. I've always wanted to visit Japan, but I don't think that's something that can fully be done in the time we have."

"How 'bout Georgia?"

Jim looked up at Bones, then smiled and shook his head, saying, "No, Bones. This is your first shore leave with Joanna- it should just be the two of you. And your mom, of course. I don't get the feeling that Jocelyn let your mom ever see Joanna. Besides, you and Spock don't really get along, but we've agreed to spend this shore leave together."

"I don't actually mind Spock all that much," Bones said. "It's more habitual than anythin' else."

Jim gave Bones and skeptical look, who sighed and said, "Jim. My mama's been insistin' that I bring you back ever since that Christmas, and Jo's been asking me if 'Jim and Mister Spock' will be coming to visit ever since she discovered I had upcoming shore leave."

"Oh," Jim said. "Well... let me check with Spock, I guess."

When, three weeks later, Bones arrived in Georgia, he went straight to Jocelyn and Clay's house. Any hesitance he had had about coming face to face with the woman who had wrecked his life was gone, overshadowed by the desire to see his baby girl.

They lived in a cookie-cutter suburbia, and Bones had quite the time trying to find the correct house, squinting out the windshield of his tiny rented car. After twenty minutes of aimlessly wandering, trying to follow the numbers, he finally found the correct house. There was a small garden out front, the lawn vivid green and perfectly manicured. A small path of stones led from the driveway to the front door, and Bones followed it somewhat hesitantly, feeling out of place.

The chime of the doorbell was accompanied by a faint shriek, followed by thundering footsteps. Not five seconds after he rang the doorbell, the door was whipped open to reveal Joanna, grinning widely. Bones couldn't help the smile that spread across his face as if it was instinctual, and he opened his arms as Joanna launched herself at him.

"You're here!" she shrieked. "You're here, you're here!"

"I sure am, sugar," Bones said, gripping her tight and laughing. "I got here as fast as I could."

"Where are we goin'?" Joanna asked once he'd set her down. "D'you have a place near here?"

"My mama lives in your school district," Bones said. "We'll be stayin' there, since you're in school. My place is in San Francisco."

"Your mama lives near here?" Joanna asked, eyes wide. They looked a little hurt, upon closer inspection. "I didn't know."

"I reckon you didn't, no," Bones said, setting a hand on her shoulder. He looked up and into the house just as Jocelyn appeared in the doorway, arms crossed.

"Leonard." Despite her callousness and obvious dislike of Bones, Jocelyn was as beautiful as he remembered. Her long blonde hair was in a high ponytail, her icy blue eyes cold and sharp. Bones suddenly realized- with great joy that he was careful not to let Jocelyn see- that Joanna looked almost nothing like Jocelyn, and almost entirely like him. Her nose, he could see in Joanna, and the sharpness of her eyes, but little else.

"Jocelyn," Bones replied, making sure his own tone was far less frigid than hers.

"Mama," Joanna said, sounding annoyed. "Don't do this."

"Don't do what, dear?" Jocelyn asked, her tone forcibly polite. "I'm just greeting your father."

"You can go get your bags and put them in the car, darlin'," Bones said, patting Joanna's back. "Your mother and I are capable of civility. I've only caused two diplomatic incidents, to date."

Joanna huffed out a laugh and left, but sent wary glances their way as she did so. Once she had disappeared into the house, Jocelyn stepped outside and shut the dark red door behind her. Her jaw was clenched, her brows furrowed.

"I'm not taking any more than I have a right to as her parent," Bones said quietly.

"You don't know anything about her," Jocelyn whispered harshly.

"Only because I was never given the chance," Bones replied, careful not to raise his voice and let himself be seen as the aggressor. "'Sides, I've always been a quick learner."

"Not quick enough to save our relationship," Jocelyn sneered.

"That was all you, Jocelyn. I was trying, torn in so many different directions, and you stopped working with me and started working against me."

Jocelyn huffed, her body language condescending. Bones took a deep breath to ensure he kept calm. For a moment, Bones wished he'd taken Jim up on his offer to join him when he picked up Joanna.

"You were a terrible parent when Joanna was a baby," Jocelyn said, her voice laced with poisonous ice, "and I doubt you've changed."

The door clicked as Joanna began to open it, and both Jocelyn and Bones pulled a cover of civility over themselves. Joanna seemed to be struggling to carry her suitcase, a bright pink thing, so Bones reached out and took it himself.

"Thanks," Joanna panted, smiling at Bones.

"'Course, darlin'," Bones said. "Let's go."

"Bye, mama," Joanna said, giving her mother a hug.

"Goodbye, sweetie," Jocelyn replied, but her eyes were locked on Bones.

Joanna was just about bouncing in her seat the entire ride home, but Bones couldn't help but replay his conversation with Jocelyn over and over again in his mind. She was right, Bones admitted grudgingly. He _didn't_ know Joanna. Not that that was his fault.

"Dad," Joanna said once they'd parked in front of Eleanor McCoy's house, "what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong, bunny."

"Mama said somethin' to you," Joanna said, and Bones cursed her intuition and observational skills. "You've been upset since we left."

"It's just... your mama said some things. And some of those things were right."

"Well what'd she say?"

"Just simple things, like how I don't know you all that well."

"My favorite color is green," Joanna said. "My favorite food is spaghetti and my least favorite is hot dogs. My favorite drink is hot cocoa and my least favorite is cranberry juice. I like science and I'm not really a dog or a cat person, I love them both. I want to be a doctor when I grow up, just like my dad."

Bones laughed a little, suddenly feeling rather overwhelmed and kind of like he might cry. He leaned over and pressed a kiss to Joanna's forehead.

"Thank you, sugar," he said. "C'mon now, lets go in."

Bones carried Joanna's suitcase while she slipped up the front porch steps and rang the doorbell. His mama opened the door and smiled down at Joanna, ushering her inside. Bones struggled up the stairs after Joanna, muttering about packing bricks.

"Bones, what took you so long!" Jim asked as Bones staggered through the door, clapping him on the shoulder.

"Sweet Cochrane on a tricycle," Bones gasped, letting the suitcase drop onto the floor with a clunk. "Didn't you turn down my offer to spend the whole time here? Aren't you supposed to be in Nepal until next Thursday?"

"Yeah," Jim said, "but Spock and I decided that Joanna is cuter than Nepal."

"Good evening, Leonard," Spock said, appearing out of nowhere and taking Joanna's suitcase.

"Evening, Spock," Bones said. "If you're gonna be a gentleman and take that to her room, it's-"

"Oh, he knows where it is," Jim said. "We helped Eleanor make Joanna's bed."

"Well, okay then," Bones said. "If you don't mind...?"

"Certainly not," Spock said. He almost sounded a little offended, but Bones for the life of him couldn't fathom why.

"He's wrapped around Joanna's little finger," Jim murmured, eyes shining as he watched Spock disappear upstairs.

"Is he, now?"

"As if we all aren't," Jim said, waving a hand dismissively.

"Dad!" Joanna exclaimed, rushing back into the hall. Her eyes were wide, and she was smiling. "You seriously lived here as a kid? This place is so cool!"

"I did, yeah," Bones said, smiling.

Joanna seemed to realize that Jim was there, too, and she squealed in delight.

"Jim!" she cried, rushing him and giving him a hug.

"Hey, bunny," Jim said, laughing.

"I thought you were only gonna be here for a couple days at the end of shore leave?" Joanna asked, stepping back.

"Yeah, but then Spock and I decided that you're cuter than Nepal."

"Heck yeah, I am," Joanna declared proudly. Spock's name then seemed to register, and she looked at Jim with wide eyes. "Mister Spock is here, too?"

"He's bringing your suitcase to your room," Bones said. "He'll be down in just a second."

"Well dang," Joanna said. "Did you bring everyone?"

"No," Bones said, "I did not bring everyone."

"This house wouldn't be able to contain the combined energy of them all," Jim said.

"It's hardly big enough for your ego," Bones agreed, and Jim hit him on the arm while laughing.

"Mister Spock!" Joanna said, delighted, as Spock came down the stairs.

"Hello, Joanna," Spock said.

Bones could tell that Spock was rather besotted with Joanna, and wasn't that weird, being able to see what Spock was feeling? Either Spock was being disgustingly obvious, or Bones was growing closer to Spock. He wasn't sure which was more disturbing.

"Are you staying here?" Joanna asked.

"Yes," Spock said. "Jim and I will both be staying here for the entirety of shore leave, should all go as planned."

"Sweet!" Joanna said, then looked at Bones with pleading eyes. "Dad, I saw that Grammy Ellie has a fireplace outside, can we make s'mores?"

Bones laughed and ruffled Joanna's hair, then said, "Have you eaten dinner?"

"Yeah."

"Then sure thing, darlin'."

"Yes!" Jim said, pumping his fists.

"You are a giant child," Bones said, shaking his head.

"Grammy Ellie, Grammy Ellie!" Joanna said, racing back to the kitchen where Eleanor McCoy still was. "Dad said yes!"

"Did he now?" Bones heard Eleanor say, a smile in her voice. "Well alright then, sweet cheeks."

"C'mon," Bones said. "Let's go make some s'mores."

"I'm going to eat until I throw up, and then I'm going to eat some more."

"No, James," Spock said.

 _"No_ , Jim."

"You're both party poopers," Jim said.

When they emerged into the warm night air, Eleanor already had a fire going. Joanna had gathered the necessary supplies and set them on a small table. She looked ecstatic, and Bones' heart ached with how much he adored her.

"Oh," Jim said. "Spock, you can't make a traditional s'more, can you?"

"I would rather not."

"Oh, yeah," Joanna said from where she sat between Bones and Eleanor, across from the space between Jim and Spock. "Vulcans can't eat chocolate, can they? It's like alcohol to them."

"It is an equivalent, yes," Spock said. "Where did you learn this?"

"T'Mira told me," Joanna said. "I told her she oughta try s'mores and she said she couldn't because chocolate intoxicates Vulcans."

"I will be satisfied with nothing more than marshmelons."

"Marsh-what?" Bones asked. "You mean marshmallows?"

"Marshmelons," Joanna said, giggling. She looked at Eleanor. "Grammy Ellie, can you pass me the marshmelons?"

Eleanor smiled and passed Joanna the marshmallows. Joanna gleefully stuck one on the end of her stick and then passed the bag to Bones, who passed it to Jim, who passed it to Spock, who passed it back to Eleanor. When Joanna thought nobody was looking, she reached out and snagged a marshmallow from the bag and popped it straight into her mouth.

"Man," Jim sighed, turning his marshmallow directly over the tallest flames. Bones refrained from telling him that he would only burn his marshmallow by doing that. "It's been ages since I had a s'more."

"That should be a crime," Joanna said, having swallowed her marshmallow.

"There's just no replicatin' a good s'more," Bones said, shaking his head. His own marshmallow was hovering above embers as he slowly turned it.

"Have you ever had a s'more before, Mister Spock?" Eleanor inquired, using the same technique as Bones. Joanna, too, was following the lead of her elders.

"I have not, no," Spock said. "I have, however, occasionally consumed toasted marshmelons. I believe that I was nine Terran years of age the last time I tasted one."

 _"Nine?"_ Joanna asked, mouth agape. "That's terrible! I think I'd _die_ if I went even _one_ year without a s'more!"

"Oh no," Jim said, sounding upset. Bones glanced over to see him pouting, looking sadly at his flaming marshmallow.

"Well put it out!" Bones said. "You'd never guess you were a starship Captain sometimes, dear lord."

"Jim," Spock said. "Please put out the flame consuming your marshmelon."

Jim blew hard, extinguishing the small flame, then looked at it contemplatively. He blew on it again, nodded slightly to himself, and then stuffed the burned marshmallow into his mouth.

"Jim, come on," Bones complained.

"Ew!" Joanna said through her giggles. "Jim, that's so gross!"

"Jim," Spock admonished. "That cannot taste pleasant or be healthy."

"Leonard," Eleanor said. "You act like you didn't do that plenty as a kid."

"I grew out of it!" Bones protested. "This idiot clearly didn't."

"You're just jealous because your marsmelon isn't ready yet," Jim said teasingly.

"Ready? You call yours ready? It's not ready, Jim, it's burnt."

"Same difference."

Bones pulled his marshmallow away from the fire, blowing on it to cool it down. It was perfectly golden brown all the way around, and a gentle squeeze told Bones that the center of the marshmallow was perfectly cooked, too.

He gathered the graham crackers and chocolate and assembled a s'more, but didn't put it in his mouth right away. He looked around at the people surrounding him- his mother, gazing at Joanna with obvious fondness; Joanna, who was concentrating hard on her marshmallow; Jim, who was spearing a second marshmallow; and Spock, who was following the example of the McCoy's and cooking his low over the embers. Firelight reflected off of everyone's faces, disappearing into the night beyond them. The entire situation couldn't have been more perfect.

Bones grinned and bit into his s'more, closing his eyes in appreciation as the sweetness spread across his tongue. He could feel marshmallow oozing out the sides, getting his fingers all sticky, but Bones couldn't have cared less.

"Is it good, dad?" Joanna asked. She was smiling at him when he looked over, and he couldn't help but smile back.

"Yeah," he said. "Yeah, darlin', it's good."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys! Here's a second installment, and if you can't tell, I'm still sort of on a Joanna kick. Eventually, these will stop centering around Bones and Joanna, but not today!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> JT tells a story and chats with a friend.
> 
> Set during Jim's time on Tarsus IV.

"Jay Dee," Kevin asked, tugging at JT's filthy sleeve. His little mouth couldn't quite wrap around JT's name, and it was one of the few things that brought him joy. "Jay Dee, story?"

"You want a beddie-bye story?" JT asked, pulling Kevin into his lap. It took too much effort, considering how little Kevin weighed, but it left JT shaking just slightly nonetheless.

"Yeah!" Kevin squealed, a wide grin spreading across his face. "Yeah, a story!"

"Okay, buddy," JT said, leaning back against a tree. The fire cracked and popped several feet away, small enough to attract as little attention as possible but big enough to keep them warm and cook the very little meat they could find. Thinking of stories to tell, JT found himself drawing blanks, his mind skipping like a broken record. At a loss, JT began with, "Here's the story of a hero named... GK."

"Letters, like you!" Kevin said happily.

"Yeah, like me," JT said quietly. "GK worked in space, for Starfleet. He was working hard, hoping to become a captain and provide for his family. He had a wife, you see, and she was in Starfleet too. She was pregnant with their second child, and their first child was back on Earth.

"One day, when his wife was very very close to giving birth, the ship that GK and his wife were working on encountered a bigger, scary ship. The captain of the other ship wanted the captain of GK's ship to go to his ship, so GK's captain gave command of the ship to GK and went to the other ship.

"Suddenly, the bigger ship started attacking GK's ship! The other ship's weapons were bigger and better than GK's, so GK told everyone to evacuate."

JT paused before continuing, looking down at Kevin's small face, eyes wide and mouth open.

"GK's wife, while all of this was going on, was giving birth to their second son. She was put in a shuttle and evacuated early on. Determined to get back to his wife, GK set the weapons to fire automatically at the other ship, put the ship on a collision course, and then ran to a shuttle as fast as he could.

"He escaped just in time, and was reunited with his wife hours later, when another Starfleet ship arrived to save the crew of GK's ship. Together, GK and his wife picked a name for their newborn son while GK cradled his new child.

"Everyone," JT said, unable to look Kevin in the eyes and hoping that his voice wouldn't catch, "lived happily ever after."

"Yay!" Kevin said, and reached up to squeeze JT in a hug. "Good end."

"Yeah, buddy," JT whispered hoarsely. "Good end."

JT held Kevin as the little boy drifted off to sleep, staring into the fire and trying to stop the ache in his heart. He'd given up trying to stop the ache in his stomach, but his heart was something he knew he should be able to control. It was useless to mourn what could've been, simply because it never was. Mourning the loss of something you never had was just stupid.

When Kevin was well and truly asleep, JT set him down near some of the other sleeping kids. His legs and arms shook when he stood again, and he swayed from vertigo when he straightened fully, but he ignored it as best as he could. It would get worse, he knew. Freaking out over his body's increasing weakness would do nobody any good.

"GK, huh?" Annalise asked quietly. JT jumped- Annalise was incredibly quiet, and she could sneak up on him and anyone else with ease.

"Yeah."

"Your last name is Kirk, isn't it? You're GK's infant son. JT stands for James Tiberius."

JT sighed and turned to face Annalise. Her face held no judgement or pity, only sympathy. He nodded miserably.

"Is it safe to assume that you told Kevin the series of events that you wish had happened?"

"Yeah," JT muttered. "Stupid of me."

"Wishing your father had lived isn't stupid, JT," Annalise said, her tone fierce but not rude. "I- I wish-" Her face contorted as she tried not to cry, and JT resisted reaching out to lay a hand on her arm. "I wish my dad had lived, too."

JT gave her a moment to grieve. The death of both her parents and her aunt and uncle was a very fresh wound, and the grieving process had hardly begun, really, considering how they had died.

"I'm sorry," he finally replied, the words tasting hollow and like ash on his tongue. There was no room for being sorry, not when they had to use everything they had to survive each day.

He regretted giving out empty apologies until Annalise smiled softly and took his hand, whispering a, "Thanks, JT."

The two of them sat down by the fire, and JT was grateful because he wasn't sure if his weak legs would hold him for much longer. They reclined against a tree, the same one JT had cradled Kevin by, and Annalise curled up against his side. Her head rested on his shoulder, one of her hands soft in his.

"So, JT," Annalise said quietly, "What do you want to do when you grow up?"

"Dunno," JT said. "Maybe a mechanic? I liked working on my dad's antique car before... Before it was destroyed."

"Why do I have a feeling that you were a part of destroying it?" Annalise asked teasingly.

"Because I'm the one who drove it into a quarry when my stepfather went to sell it," JT said nonchalantly.

"Ah."

They were quiet for a while, and JT reflected on his decision. He had been so full of rage, so full of hopelessness that he could think of nothing else to do. Better it lay in twisted ruins at the bottom of the quarry, resting in what came after with its beloved owner, than to be sold to someone who would and could never truly appreciate the car.

"Did it make you feel any better?" Annalise asked.

"Not really." He looked at her and smiled softly, even though she was looking into the fire and not at him. "Does taking care of Grace and Juli make you feel any better?"

"Not really," she murmured.

"Stars, we're a pair," JT said, grinning wryly and shaking his head.

"I just don't understand why," Annalise whispered, her voice cracking. She sniffled and turned her face further towards JT's chest. "They- They were _good people._ They shouldn't have died. He could've found another way."

JT held her for a few minutes until her quiet sobs subsided. Tentatively, JT voiced the same question that Annalise had previously asked him. Anything to distract from what was going on around them.

"What do you want to be when you grow up?"

"I..." Annalise laughed a little, very quietly and watery, and JT counted it as a victory. "I want to be a xenobiologist, cure diseases. I want to help people, no matter their species."

"Wow," JT said, "that's a way cooler job than a mechanic."

"Not really," Annalise said. "If mechanics and engineers didn't fix machines, then doctors and xenobiologists wouldn't be able to help people."

"I suppose." JT found himself looking at the kids sleeping around the small fire with a sense of tenderness, and glanced at Annalise only to find her doing the same. "How about kids? Do you want any?"

"Stars, yes," Annalise said, lighting up. "Partner or not, I don't care, but I _will_ have kids someday, and plenty of them. I can't have kids of my own, but-" She shrugged. "-no matter. I can just adopt. There's always plenty of kids without homes and families."

"And where would you and all of those kids live?"

"Somewhere in the country," Annalise said decisively. "Not necessarily on Earth, just... somewhere with lots of sky and nature."

"That sounds excellent," JT admitted. "I'm sure you'll make an amazing mother."

"You flatterer," Annalise said, smile evident in the tone of her voice. "You say that as if you won't make a stellar father someday."

"I don't know," JT said, fighting the impossible urge to shrink into himself. "I haven't exactly had a good father figure of my own." _And the one I did have was just murdered alongside the closest thing to a real mother I've ever known,_ JT added mentally.

"Well," Annalise said thoughtfully after a beat of silence. "At least you'll know what not to do. That's a start."

"Yeah, I suppose it is."

The fire sputtered and popped as it began to run out of fuel. Above their heads hung a moon and constellations that, by now, JT knew almost as well as the ones on Earth. The night was cool but, fortunately, not cold, and Annalise's warmth against his side was welcome but not oppressing. Her weight was comfortable, and after a while JT realized that she had fallen asleep with her head on his shoulder. Feeling drowsiness tug at his own eyelids, JT tipped his head back and allowed himself to slide into sleep.

After all, he'd need to be as rested as possible if he wanted a chance at getting everyone off of Tarsus IV alive.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim has terrible timing when it comes to confessions and dramatic requests, but nobody can fault him for those events being unmemorable.
> 
> Set about eight months after Just the Planets.

Spock is quiet when he slips into bed, but Jim wakes anyways. Bleary-eyed and sluggish, he rolls over and swings an arm over the top of Spock, drawing him close until their bodies are pressed against each other. Spock is warm, as he always is, and Jim knows he'll wake up covered in sweat unless he ditches the blankets, but he's okay with that.

"Ashaya," Spock murmurs. "I apologize for waking you."

"'S okay," Jim slurs, pressing his face into Spock's hirsute chest. "Wanted t' see you anyways. 'M happy."

Spock clutches him tighter, and Jim can feel syrupy pleasure leak across their bond. Jim smiles and snuggles as close as he can, entangling their legs and then relaxing into Spock as if he were a large, warm pillow.

"How'd y'r thingie go?"

"The experiment yielded quite successful results. Sleep, now. We can talk in the morning."

"This is the first time we've had the same day off in forever," Jim says dreamily, coming a little more awake. "We get to _sleep in."_

"Indeed."

Jim heaves a great happy sigh and relaxes fully, letting his eyes fall shut again. If Spock feels smothered, he doesn't comment.

When Jim eventually wakes for the day at around eight in the morning, Spock is awake but hasn't moved. Jim cranes his neck to make eye contact with Spock and smiles sleepily. Spock's eyes glimmer happily, but his face doesn't change.

"Good morning," Jim says, voice a little rough.

"Good morning, ashaya. You seem quite hot."

"I know I am," Jim says, winking.

"No, Jim. I meant that you seem to be on your way to overheating."

"Ah."

Spock isn't wrong. Jim is incredibly hot, the sheets trapping their body heat and creating a small furnace. He can feel sweat all over his body, and he might be a little dizzy.

"Not that you are not attractive," Spock says. "However, I worry for your health if you remain in bed for too long."

"But you're so comfy," Jim complains, trying to squeeze closer to Spock. It doesn't work; Jim is already as close as he can get.

"We need not stop our actions, Jim," Spock says. "I do believe that moving to a cooler location would be beneficial, though, lest you overheat."

"Okay, fine," Jim says, rolling on to his back and flipping the covers off.

The air on his skin seems almost cold, even though it's warm for standard Human quarters. Immediately, Jim is relieved but also covered in goosebumps. He sighs happily and cuddles up with Spock again.

"Why don't we just stay here with the covers off?" Jim suggests. "I'm much cooler now."

"As you wish," Spock says.

Red alert begins to blare just as Jim is making himself comfortable again, and he groans loudly but launches himself out of bed, as does Spock. Within ten seconds Jim has wrestled himself into a uniform, as has Spock, and the two of them are out the door side by side.

"What's going on?" Jim demands before he's even stepped off of the turbolift. Chekov is already at his station, and Nyota, who had joined them in the turbolift on their way up, slips out from behind them and took her station.

"Zere ees odd seismic actiwity occurring on Eltrik II," Chekov reports.

"Do they require assistance?" Jim asks, settling himself into his seat.

"Uncertain," Nyota reports. They're not answering hails, but their communication services aren't malfunctioning."

"Is the seismic activity unsafe?"

"Not particularly, sir," Spock reports, and Jim can hear the disapproval of the plan that Jim hasn't even voiced yet.

"I'm putting together a team to beam down to the surface, see what's going on," Jim says. "If their communications aren't down, they should have responded."

"Captain," Spock says, "I must protest. We do not know-"

"If it makes you feel better, you can come along and bring a scientist of your choice. I have a feeling I'll need more than one."

Spock looks at Jim for a long moment. Jim can see the decision occurring behind his eyes. Should he accompany Jim and ensure his safety in that manner, or protest Jim going at all? Jim knows the moment Spock makes his decision, and resists the urge to smile before Spock has even spoken.

"That is acceptable."

"Good. Put together a security detail, four members, and hail a scientist, preferably one who specializes in things such as earthquakes."

"Yes, sir."

Five minutes later finds Jim in the transporter room with Spock and the scientist Lieutenant Arala. There are security officers, too, armed with phasers. There's no telling what they might find down there, and something seems off, so the whole team is outfitted in combat gear. Jim meets Spock's eyes across the room and gives him a small smile. Spock doesn't give Jim a Human smile in return, but his eyes crinkle around the edges in the way that they do when he's happy, and happiness leaks across their t'hy'la bond.

"Alright team," Jim says. "On the platform."

The team moves to the transporter pad, where the security officers pull out their weapons and drop into a defensive stance, ready to take on enemies immediately, should it become necessary.

It becomes necessary.

The moment they arrive, one of the security members goes down from a shot to the neck. Jim curses and grabs Lieutenant Arala, pulling her down to a crouch. Spock crouches too, pulling out his phaser.

Jim surveys the landscape. There's plenty of buildings that could disguise their attackers, but from the way the security guard was killed, the attackers are on their right.

"The alleyway to the left, go!" Jim barks.

The group races towards the alleyway, old fashioned bullets flying at them as they do so. They reach the alleyway only to find a group of heavily armed Eltrikans. Jim spits out a curse, the whole group torn for a moment between going back into the street or remaining in the alley.

"Back!" Jim shouts. "Back, back!"

It's too late for two of the three remaining security guards, who go down after bullets to the head, where their helmets prove no more effective than butter. Something allows their bullets to penetrate the best protective material known to the Federation, Jim recognizes, but he has no clue what it could possibly be.

Jim, Spock, Lieutenant Alara, and the one remaining security officer sprint back out into the street in the hopes of finding a safe alleyway. There are no citizens anywhere, and no seismic activity, leading Jim to believe that this had been organized not by a rebel group but by the government. That would mean that there is genuine military power behind the attack, and the odds of them escaping alive are fewer than if they were being attacked by a rebel fringe group.

From one of the alleyways rolls a tank-like vehicle, and Jim can see that there were no soldiers following it. He grabs Lieutenant Alara's arm and propels her forward, instructing as he pushed.

"Behind the tank," he says, "go, and then split up. Use your communicators once you're safe and get yourself beamed up. Relay that to Spock and Wilson."

"What about you?" Alara gasps, stumbling a bit. "You can tell them, can't you?"

Jim looks around at the soldiers dressed in black stepping out from behind bright pastel buildings, far too many of them to fight off. He glances at the tank. If he can get in there...

"No," he said. "I've got an idea. Now _go."_

With one final push, it's as if something clicks in Alara, and she takes off.

Jim diverts his course slightly, aiming for the tank. There are bullets whizzing by him, but none have hit him as far as he knows. He leaps for the side of the tank, grabbing hold and scampering up the side. An Eltrikan pops up from the tank, aiming their weapon at Jim, but Jim is faster and the Eltrikan collapses. Jim hauls his stunned body out and drops it off of the tank, then slide inside and shuts it behind him.

He can feel Spock's fury across their t'hy'la bond, and tries to convey his apologies. He's still rather clumsy when it comes to talking through the bond, but he'll get better with practice, he knows. If he gets a chance to practice again, that is.

He rolls further onto the street and starts firing. The Eltrikan troops fire at the tank, but their bullets have no effect. The controls are clunky for such an advanced civilization, but that's the least of Jim's worries. He has to figure out he'll get out of the tank without getting killed when he tries to make his own escape.

The tank is frustratingly slow, and Jim realizes that he's made a mistake. He frantically tries to come up with a new solution, and within a few seconds he comes up with one that he thinks just might work. He aims for the corner of a weaker-looking building and makes the tank go as fast as he can. Just as he's about to hit the building, he fires a few times to weaken the corner.

The corner of the building collapses when Jim hits it, burying the tank. The tank stops fast, and Jim is instantly pushing up against the entrance to the tank. It's buried under rubble, but Jim manages to push enough of it aside to create a gap that he can squeeze out through. Through some struggling, Jim crawls out and into a small hollow of stone and wood.

The Eltrikans will probably come from behind the tank, so the most reasonable method of escape would be to escape through the building. He surveys the debris around him, wondering which pieces he can move without collapsing the hollow and crushing him. It's almost like a deadly game of Jenga.

Working as fast as he can, Jim manages to make a hole and slides out through it, then down a small hill of debris and into the building. He can feel blooming bruises by the time he hits floor, but he launches himself to his feet and staggers towards the door.

Crouched by the doorframe, Jim pulls out his communicator and hisses into it, "Kirk to _Enterprise, Enterprise_ come in."

 _"Enterprise_ here," Nyota replies.

"Yeah, we've got a bit of a massive issue," Jim says. "There's no earthquake and everyone down here is trying to kill us. Can you lock on and beam everyone up?"

"Hold on, let me transfer you to Scotty."

"Hello, cap'n!"

"Scotty, please tell me you can beam us all up. The Eltrikans are trying to murder us. They already got three security members."

"Ah... No, sir, there's interference."

"Of course there is. Work on getting past it, everyone's trying to get to safety."

"Aye, sir."

"Kirk out."

Jim peers out the window at the street, where he can see Eltrikans digging through the rubble. There's far fewer soldiers than there were when Jim first got into the tank, though. As soon as nobody is looking, he sprints as fast as he can across the street. His pulse pounds in his ears as he runs, and he can hear shouting when they see him, but all that Jim is focused on is the alleyway across the street with no soldiers in it.

Searing pain shoots through Jim's side and he stumbles, clutching a hand over his new bullet wound to prevent them from being able to follow him via blood trail. He keeps up the pace, weaving in and out of streets and alleyways until he's sure he's lost them. There are still no citizens, and Jim wonders just where they all are as he sags against an alley wall, gasping, then slides down to a seated position.

"Why couldn't it have been an earthquake?" he mutters through gritted teeth.

Jim lifts a trembling, scarlet stained hand to peer down at the wound. It doesn't seem much worse than a normal bullet wound at first, but when he tries to stand he finds he can't move. A paralytic, then? In any case, Jim is now a lot of trouble.

 _Spock_ , he thinks, eyes squeezed shut in concentration. _Spock, where are you? I need some help._

 _What has happened?_ Concern leaks through alongside his words.

_I got shot. I think there's a paralytic on the bullet, I can't move._

_Have you been captured?_ Spock's alarm is obvious.

_No, but I probably will be soon. If I can't move, I can't run from them._

_I will be there promptly._

_Hopefully before I bleed out or get caught._

_That is not funny, t'hy'la._

Jim smiles grimly at the wall across from him and thinks to Spock, _It's not meant to be._

By the time Spock gets to Jim, he's nearly unconscious. While he hasn't been shot fatally, not really, he's loosing too much blood. If they don't make it back to the ship soon, it will end up being fatal, and that would be a pretty pathetic end. Taken down by a single shot to the side that just wasn't fixed in time.

"Spock," Jim says when Spock rushes into the alleyway, words slurred. Spock is alone, which is concerning to Jim but not his top concern.

"Jim," Spock says when he drops to his knees by Jim's side. "T'hy'la."

"'M okay." Jim grits his teeth and blinks hard, as if that'll help how his vision is spotting and fading a little.

"I have sent Lieutenant Alara and Ensign Wilson to a small beam-up point that Lieutenant-Commander Scott managed to create. You clearly cannot walk, so I will carry you there."

"Spock," Jim grunts into Spock's shoulder when he's picked up bridal style. "You gotta promise t' leave me if we get trapped."

"I will not," Spock says, beginning to walk at a brisk pace. Jim is silently grateful for his speed; if he was jogging or running, it would hurt like hell.

"Spock, y' gotta."

Jim clutches weakly at Spock's shoulder, squeezing as hard as he can, which isn't very hard at all. His head lolls against Spock's shoulder as breathing becomes harder. There's something more than blood loss going on, more than a simple paralytic on the bullet. His vision is spotting and he finds himself unbearably hot to the point where he feels cold, sweat running down from his armpits to his wrists and dripping from his neck.

"Sp..." Jim whispers, straining to get a full word out. "Spo..."

"We have a mental connection, Jim," Spock reminds him gently, sickly fear leaking from that very connection in little spurts. "If you cannot speak, use your mind."

_Not just paralytic. Poison._

Jim has to focus harder than he ever has to get the message across. Evidently, whatever poison that is on the bullet weakens the mind as well as the body. He can feel Spock's terror, can feel when Spock begins to move even faster towards the beam up point.

 _If I die_ , Jim thinks desperately at Spock, _not your fault._

 _You will not die_ , Spock replies, so fiercely that Jim is both a little scared and in awe. _You will not. I cannot lose you again._

Jim remembers his death well; how his hand was separated from Spock's by far too great a distance; how Spock's eyes had welled up with tears; how it had felt as his last breath left his body. He's not eager to repeat the experience, not only because of the trauma of it but also because he loves Spock too much to abandon him like that again.

 _Sorry_ , Jim thinks. _So sorry_.

His head is spinning like an ancient tilt-a-whirl, vision narrowed to a blurry tunnel. He can see Spock's ear, the shine of his hair in the greenish Eltrikan sunlight. There's no pain anymore, not really, because he feels disconnected from his body, like his mind is drifting up and up and up...

_No!_

_Sorry..._

_No, no! Stay here! Stay with me!_

Jim floats away.

He doesn't expect to wake up, but he does, although he doesn't have any idea how much time has passed since Spock carried him to the beam up point. The privacy curtain around his bed has been drawn, but there's someone inside with him, a certain half-Vulcan who has fallen asleep in an uncomfortable chair by the biobed.

Jim feels absolutely awful. His mouth is dry and tastes rancid, his head aching and feeling like it's been stuffed with cotton. His right side where he was shot hurts something terrible, and Jim isn't sure if he has the strength to move despite his consciousness, but he's alive and that's all that matters.

As if prompted by Jim's consciousness returning to him, Spock opens his eyes, instantly awake and moving towards Jim. His hands come up to cradle Jim's face, stroking the curved shell of his ear with one hand and stroking his jaw with the other. Jim isn't sure if he's ever seen Spock look so relieved.

"Ashaya," Spock whispers, pressing their foreheads together, noses touching. "K'diwa, t'hy'la."

"Hey, babe," Jim whispers back, voice hoarse and scratchy. "I'm sorry."

"It is okay," Spock says, fingers still moving and stroking as if he's trying to convince himself that Jim is really there. "You are alive."

"How close was it?"

By Spock's reaction Jim knows that it was too close for comfort, but he wants to know just how close he came to abandoning his other, better half. Spock's face darkens somewhat, but before Jim can prompt again, Bones slips in through the privacy curtain. He looks like hell, stubble adorning his face and heavy purple bags sitting under his eyes. Spock sits up but doesn't leave the bed or stop touching Jim, and Bones doesn't ask him to.

"Jim," Bones says, then sighs and shakes his head. "Stars, Jim."

"That bad?"

"Worse," Spock confesses.

"I'm sorry," Jim repeats.

"We know that, kid," Bones says. "Doesn't change what happened, though." He scans Jim's readings, says, "Christine will be in with some food in a minute. I'm damn near ready to collapse, but now that you're awake I can rest."

"Thank you," Jim says quietly as Bones slips back through the curtain. His stomach growls with familiar hunger, but Jim ignores it. He twists his hands around until he can grab Spock's, and they sit together for a moment, just basking in each other's company.

"You died four times on Doctor McCoy's operating table," Spock says. "I felt it every time. I felt you weaken, felt the bond begin to tear, and then felt Doctor McCoy coax you back to the living."

"I'm sorry," Jim croaks, tears springing up unbidden. He can't even imagine how that must've felt.

"You are here, though," Spock whispers, hands shaking in Jim's. "You are alive, and you are here."

"Marry me," Jim blurts.

Spock looks up, blinking in shock and confusion.

"I beg your pardon?"

"Marry me. The Human and the Vulcan ways. Marry me, Spock, and make what we have between us as permanent as it can possibly be. I love you more than anything, and it would be an honor to spend the rest of my life by your side, whether that be a week or seventy years."

Spock is silent for a moment, and Jim squeezes his hands gently.

"I love you," he continues. "I'll love you with all of myself for as long as men can breathe, or eyes can see. I swear on everything I believe in."

"As do I," Spock replies. Jim can feel love more potent and all-consuming than anything he's ever known coming across their bond, and knows that Spock is absolutely genuine in his response.

Jim smiles and tugs Spock in for a long, sweet kiss as he adjusts his hands to kiss Spock in the Vulcan way, too. When they break apart, forehead resting on forehead and eyes still closed, Jim smiles widely. He can feel Spock's own joy and excitement bubbling across the bond in bursts of vibrancy.

Jim knows without a doubt that this will be the best decision he's ever made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm not dead! I tried to write some purely tooth-rotting fluff but then it evolved into this, but in any case, I hope you enjoyed it! I'm currently working on a fic for Halloween, which is part of why this took so long to finish. I hope you guys will enjoy it, because I'm having so much fun writing it!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim can't sleep.
> 
> Set several weeks after Nero's defeat but before Jim's captaincy is upheld.

Jim tosses and turns in the big, cold bed before sitting up with an irritated huff. He knows he won't be able to sleep tonight. His brain is running a mile a minute, has been for days, and unless he drives his body to exhaustion he won't be getting rest any time soon. Jim scowls and swings his legs off of the bed, feet hitting the cold floor and hands bunching in the disheveled sheets.

Starfleet saw fit to put him and the rest of his scrappy, traumatized crew up near HQ during the endless debriefing process. Due to his role in the whole debacle, and the subsequent mountain of debriefings Jim has to attend, he has been given quarters fit for visiting dignitaries. They're massive, sprawling, and Jim hates them. All they do is to remind Jim of how many people died in the whole situation with Nero. He's used to small quarters, to sharing a tiny room with Bones and his grumbling, and the silence is unnerving.

Jim wanders around the room aimlessly, from bedroom to living room to kitchen and back again. He finds himself stopped in front of the balcony doors at one point, looking out at the skyline beyond. So many people are going on with their lives, hardly affected by the tragedy that had been Vulcan's destruction. Meanwhile, Jim knows that he'll never sleep the same again.

Jim sighs, frustrated, and goes back into the bedroom. He'll never sleep if he doesn't run his body to exhaustion first, so he changes into athletic gear, throws some pajamas into a small gym bag for afterwards, and heads for the door, wondering what equipment he can use to tire himself out. A punching bag? A treadmill? But neither option seems enticing.

Of all people, Spock is in the hallway when Jim exits his room. They stand facing each other for a moment, Jim surprised and Spock frustratingly impassive. It's about one in the morning, though, and Iim has no clue why Spock might be awake. Everyone Jim saw at dinner- the whole senior crew apart from Spock and Nyota- had been absolutely exhausted from a day of debriefings. Jim would think that Spock would have had just as many if not more debriefings and meetings than Jim, yet here they are.

"Hello," Jim says, going for the formal and polite route.

Their relationship was incredibly strained through the whole trip back to Earth. Jim understood that Spock was grieving a massive loss, but he had still been quite the douchebag on their way back to Earth in that quiet, Vulcan way. By the time they got back to Earth Jim was just about desperate to get away from him, only to wind up with a suite diagonal from Spock's.

"Greetings," Spock says, sounding civilized and not slightly like a douche for once. "For what reason are you not in your room at this hour?"

"Couldn't sleep," Jim says, shrugging. "Figured I'd go tire myself out in the gym, try and get more than an hour of sleep. Stars know I'll need it tomorrow, with all the briefings scheduled. Why're you up so late?"

"I found myself unable to sleep as well." Spock sounds reluctant to admit it, as if it's a blow to his Vulcan desire to feel superior to Humans at all times.

"Huh," Jim says. He would never have thought that Vulcans might ever struggle to sleep. Then again, Spock's just lost his whole planet as well as his mother, so he's going through some abnormal shit at the moment. "Go figure."

"Pardon?"

"Nothing, Spock," Jim says, waving a hand dismissively. He stops and looks at Spock for a moment before saying, "Hey, would you be up for sparring with me? The thought of a treadmill or a punching bag just isn't doing it for me."

Spock seems to consider Jim's offer before he says, "That would be acceptable."

Jim'll take acceptable, because it's better than unacceptable. Spock disappears back into his suite to change into some appropriate clothing, leaving Jim in the hallway. It's a very nice hallway in a very nice building, all things considered, but Jim hates it. The walls are white, the carpet beige, and scenic art is framed in mahogany on the walls, but Jim doesn't think he'll ever feel comfortable in a place so upscale. He grew up in a place just the opposite.

When Spock emerges from his suite, they head towards the elevators together without a word being spoken. They've drawn a temporary truce with their early-morning workout, but Jim doesn't know how long it will last. Besides, despite the truce, Jim still feels massively uneasy around Spock.

When they get to the gym, Jim chooses a mat in the far corner. They have their pick, since the gym is empty apart from the two of them, but Jim has always preferred the corner mats anyways. They drop their bags by the mat and begin to stretch, and Jim peers over at Spock only to find him bent almost neatly in half, showing no sings of strain with his arms wrapped around his legs and his head between them. Jim can only blink, a little awed at the display of flexibility. He makes sure to look away quickly, lest he be caught.

"Alright," Jim says as they circle each other on the mat. "Best out of three?"

"You will not win," Spock informs him in that damn 'I-know-better-than-you-because-I am-a-Vulcan-and-you-are-just-a-Human-so-hah' tone of voice that Jim loathes.

Jim scowls, never one to let a challenge like that go, and says, "Oh yeah? Okay, bring it on."

Sure, the one time he'd fought Spock before he'd lost quickly, but Spock had just lost his planet and, due to Jim's taunts, his goddamn mind. Out of control Spock and normal Spock have to fight like two totally different people, Jim assumes. Spock will be precise and methodical and talented, but Jim'll be able to beat him.

Jim loses.

Jim loses _badly_.

He feels like a child trying to fight a fully grown adult, clumsy and inept. It's an unusual feeling, this physical failure, and he hates it. He's used to being in control of all things physical, from fighting to sex, but Spock is damn near wiping the floor with him.

Too many times to count he ends up underneath Spock embarrassingly fast. While Jim isn't tired, neither is Spock, whose reflexes are naturally quicker and who is naturally stronger. Humiliation and aggression soon follow the defeats, and Jim begins to fight a little dirtier.

It doesn't matter, though, because Spock still wins again and again. What feels like hours later, Jim finds himself underneath Spock, a position that's become rather familiar in short time. His hands are pinned behind his back, Spock's legs tangled with his to keep him from moving. Jim's chest and back are slick with sweat, unlike Spock, and he would think that the sweat would make him harder to pin down but it seems that he's incorrect.

"Ugh," Jim groans once Spock released him. "I think it's time to call it a night. I don't know if I'll make it to the gym showers, much less to my room."

"If you feel that you are incapable of walking, I could carry you," Spock offered, standing. Jim groans again and pushes himself to his feet, letting out some breathy and tired laughter.

"No, Spock," he says. "That was a hyperbole. I think. Thanks for the offer, though."

Jim begins to make his way across the large room to the locker room and the showers. He's regretting his decision to choose the corner mat, now, almost as far away from the locker room as they could be, but it's too late now. Spock walks beside him, but Jim knows he's moving fairly slow. He glances over at the Vulcan, wondering why Spock is walking with him instead of using his long legs to get to the locker room faster.

"So how was your day?" Jim asks, the question a little stilted and awkward. He's never had this kind of conversation with Spock before.

"It was... tiring."

Jim laughs a little and says, "Yeah, I'd bet it is. Your debriefings and questions have to be at least as exhausting as mine."

"If your day was tiring, then why were you not able to sleep?" Spock asks.

Jim scoffs at the hypocritical question.

"I could ask you the same thing."

"Yes," Spock says. "You could."

They're silent for a moment or two before Jim gives in to Spock's question. He pointedly doesn't look at Spock when he answers, though, not really comfortable sharing anything remotely personal with the man who had so recently been almost an enemy.

"I've always had trouble sleeping," he says. "The whole Nero disaster hasn't helped." He glances at Spock a little warily before continuing with, "I bet you understand."

"Affirmative," Spock replies, much to Jim's shock. He'd expected a cold brush off, or a flare-up of Spock's deeply hidden Vulcan temper.

When they reach the locker room, the two of them head for showers on opposite sides of the showering area. Jim rinses off quickly, and towels himself off quickly, too. He's confident in his body, but he's not exactly eager to be in the nude in front of his not-really-enemy-but-not-really-acquaintance.

He brought only a pair of pajama pants down to change into, though, so he's left shirtless. Spock has full-on garb that Jim can only assume is traditional Vulcan sleeping apparel, leaving Jim feeling vulnerable and underdressed anyways.

"So what do you plan on doing once this who debriefing mess is over?" Jim asks as they begin their walk to the elevator.

"I do not know," Spock says. "I will most likely attend my mother's funeral before anything else."

"And the memorial for all of the victims?" Jim queries carefully.

"I do not believe that I will attend."

"No?"

"I believe that the the victims will not be treated with their due respect. Based on my observations thus far of Starfleet and Humanity's reactions to Nero's attack, I have reason to believe that the ceremony will be little more than exploitation disguised as honoring the deceased."

Jim sighs and says, "Yeah, me too. I've got to go, though, as the Acting Captain of the _Enterprise_. And..." Jim frowned deeply. "And it's the only funeral Gaila's going to get.

"Gaila Vro?" Spock asks.

"Yes," Jim says, automatically defensive.

Gaila had suffered a lot of discrimination at the Academy solely because of her species, and a lot of harassment because of her species' reputation. Jim had always been fiercely protective of her, and after her death his protectiveness only increased.

"She was quite the admirable student," Spock says, surprising Jim. "A most promising officer, and a very kind, genuine person. It is a shame to hear of her death."

Jim is oddly shocked to hear that Spock hadn't known about Gaila's death, considering that she had been roommates with his girlfriend. The more he thinks about it, though, the more sense it makes, considering how well he knows Uhura. Spock had lost his mother and his entire planet; Uhura wasn't going to tell him about her own losses when he'd lost so much more than her. Besides, Vulcans seem like they would be a terrible partners when it comes to emotional support.

"You taught her?" Jim asks.

"She was in my Computer Programming 101 and in Vulcan 101."

"Oh. Uh, speaking of computers..."

"Yes?"

"Are you still going to be bringing me up on charges for the Kobayashi Maru?"

Spock seems to consider his answer, which causes Jim to curse himself for bringing the test up. After all they'd been through, though, some charges for cheating on an unwinnable test seem rather silly. Jim is hoping that Spock would already have realized this.

"After what you have done, not only for Starfleet but for the entire Federation, I believe that attempting to expel you for cheating on a rigged test would be rather foolish of me," Spock says.

"That's the conclusion I was hoping you'd come to," Jim says as they stepped into the elevator. "But I still maintain that it wasn't cheating, if only because it was unwinnable using the original parameters. If there'd been one or two solutions that were _nearly_ impossible to get but, if you did exactly the right things, were attainable, then I would agree with you that I cheated."

"The point of the exercise was to recognize a no-win scenario and act accordingly."

"Again, I don't believe in those."

Unlike their first debate on the matter, this conversation is almost light-hearted in nature, like verbal sparring between friends. It's surprisingly pleasant, and Jim wonders if they could possibly become friends at some point. In any case, friends or not, Jim does want Spock as his First when he gets the _Enterprise_ back. Despite their bickering, Spock is a brilliant and stellar officer who, after infiltrating Nero's ship, Jim trusts with his life.

"It seems you have quite the skill when it comes to finding your way around such situations when any other would give up, such as when you found your way back onto the _Enterprise_ after being stranded on Delta Vega."

"Thanks for that, by the way. I almost got eaten by a giant-ass ice bug, which was then eaten by a _bigger_ ice bug that proceeded to chase me into a cave and almost ate me."

There is silence from Spock, and Jim looks over at him. Spock seems... he seems a bit dismayed, if Vulcans could even look dismayed. His face is stoic, but there's something about his eyes and the vibes he's giving off that lead Jim to his entirely unfounded conclusion.

"Spock?" Jim asks.

"I did not intend to put you in such peril," Spock says stiffly. "I apologize."

Jim frowns and says, "It's not like this is the first time I've talked about it since then. You're acting like you didn't know." There is no reply from Spock. "Oh my stars, did you not know until now?"

"No," Spock says.

"Oh. Huh."

"Indeed."

The elevator chimes merrily as they arrive on their floor, and the two of them step out into the hallway. They don't exchange any more words as they walk down the hallway, the jovial mood gone. Jim seemed to have killed it with his ice beast remark, which is rather disappointing, as he had sworn that Spock had known about that.

"Mister Kirk," Spock says when they reach their rooms. Jim stops and turns back to Spock, who seems stuck somewhere between totally emotionless and just a smudge uncomfortable.

"Yeah?"

"After... recent losses, I have looked back upon my words regarding your father during the meeting concerning the Kobayashi Maru. It was incorrect of me to bring up the subject of your father, especially in the way that I did. I apologize."

Jim knows instantly that he's thinking of his mother, of how deeply Jim's words hurt and unsettled him when Jim was trying to gain control of the ship. He knows that Spock, at some point, wondered if Jim had felt the same when Spock had brought up George Kirk.

"It's okay, Spock," Jim says. "I don't blame you."

For a moment he considers apologizing for insulting Spock's mother so horribly right after she had died. It had been a terrible thing for him to do. The timing is perfect, too, with Spock having just apologized to him for dragging his dad. He waits just a hair too long, though, and the moment of opportunity vanishes.

Spock says, "Goodnight, Mister Kirk," and turns back to his suite.

"Goodnight, Spock."

Jim drops his gym bag by the foot of his bed and climbs back into it. It's still cold, still too big, and Jim's mind is still racing. His body is extremely tired, though, and that seems to be the difference. It's not immediate, not even close, but eventually Jim manages to fall asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I've been fiddling with this for a while but it's finally done and shareable. I hope you enjoy this, and do check in on Halloween, when I'll be posting a cute standalone ficlet corresponding with the holiday!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joanna visits New Vulcan (again)
> 
> Set about three years after Just the Planets.

Joanna was hit by what felt like an actual wall of dry, heavy heat as soon as she stepped off of the shuttle. Ordinarily, she probably would've wrinkled her nose in disgust, but she as too excited to care. Her mother had let her return to New Vulcan again for her birthday, although begrudgingly, and only after it was determined that the _Enterprise_ would be nowhere nearby at the time. It had been a few years, and Joanna was fifteen now, but her mother had held onto Joanna's 'betrayal' for longer than Joanna had expected.

She was just about bouncing with eagerness. T'Mira and Seril would be there to pick her up, and she'd stay with them during her visit instead of in a volunteer house, all of which, she'd been told, were full. The volunteer program that the _Enterprise_ had promoted years ago, when Joanna had first met her father, was flourishing.

Sweat beaded on the back of Joanna's neck within just a minute, and she thanked herself for putting her hair up before she arrived. She also thanked herself for wearing such light clothing. She'd been quite cold in the spaceport, but she was more than warm now. Even inside, it was hot on New Vulcan, and it wasn't even the warmest part of the day, with the sun due to set soon enough.

When she made it to where she was supposed to be picked up, she located T'Mira instantly. T'Mira had grown quite a lot since they'd last seen each other in person, but so had Joanna. When Joanna met T'Mira's eyes, darker than midnight, they seemed to shine a little, causing Joanna's heart to flutter.

About a year previous, using her father's PADD, Jim had confided in her that he could tell if Spock was happy through his eyes. They shone or crinkled around the edges, he had said. She hadn't believed him then, but she believed him now.

"T'Mira!" Joanna said, unable to help the smile that bloomed on her face.

"Joanna," T'Mira replied evenly. If Joanna hadn't known better, she'd think that T'Mira was no more excited to see her than to see a cactus.

"Greetings, Joanna," Seril said, raising his hand in a ta'al.

Joanna smiled at him and raised her own hand in the same gesture. She hadn't been able to do it when she had first met T'Mira, but she'd worked on it since then and was now able to do it with no difficulty.

"It is most gratifying to see you again," T'Mira said.

"You saw me yesterday," Joanna said, smirking. "We chatted on our PADDS."

T'Mira raised an eyebrow rather condescendingly and said dryly, "Yes, we did." Joanna almost didn't catch the little glint in T'Mira's eyes, but laughed when she did.

"It's good to see you too," Joanna said, unable to keep the smile off of her face. "There's no substitute for seeing someone in person, not really."

"Indeed, there is not," Seril said. "Come, Joanna. You seem to be quite hot."

"Yeah," Joanna said, grinning despite her quick exhaustion from the heat and lack of oxygen. "I'll get used to it quick enough."

The three of them turned and headed for the exit. The heat was even worse when they made it outside, and Joanna grimaced. She may have been born and raised in Georgia, but New Vulcan was on a whole different level, even if it was far less humid than Georgia.

The sky was vivid, not a single cloud in sight, and the sand and sky stretched on for what felt like forever until they met beyond the horizon. The two suns were both beating down quite harshly on everything below them, and Joanna wished she'd put on her sunglasses before she exited the building, squinting to see.

"You do not need to carry all of your luggage," T'Mira said, and then held out a hand. "I am more than capable of assisting you."

"Alright," Joanna said, handing her duffel bag over to T'Mira. She kept her carry on backpack on her back, refusing to let T'Mira carry it all, although Joanna knew that she would if given the chance.

"It's nice here," Joanna said, looking around. "You guys really built it up. I can't believe that you've done so much work in just a few years."

"I did little such work," T'Mira said. "I focused on my education, as every other Vulcan child is doing." She sounded a little bitter, almost, that she wasn't helping to build.

"Oh, don't feel bad," Joanna said. "Education is the best way that you can help your people. You and other children are the future, T'Mira."

"Perhaps. It does not lessen my desire to assist in a more tangible way."

Seril managed to hail a shuttle, and the three of them climbed inside. T'Mira and Joanna took up the backseat, having put Joanna's luggage in the trunk, and Seril took the passenger seat. The shuttle driver was an old Andorian man, oddly enough, who began to drive as soon as Seril gave the destination.

The city had grown much since Joanna had last visited it, and it was growing still. She couldn't help but feel a swell of pride that she had been a part of this project at the beginning, when the city had hardly been larger than Joanna's town, not much more than dirt roads and hastily composed shacks. As they passed the new VSA, Joanna smiled at the doors that she remembered entering with Jim and exiting just a few minutes before meeting T'Mira.

"The canyon isn't far from here, is it?" Joanna asked.

"Correct. It is one of the city's natural borders, but building does not occur too close to the edge of the canyon. We give it a respectful distance, lest anyone else fall into it." T'Mira gave Joanna a glance that she could tell was one of amusement.

"It only happened once," Joanna said, laughing. "And you fell in, too."

"Indeed."

"I don't see any of the volunteer shacks," Joanna asked, looking around. "What happened to them?"

"They were removed and built again somewhere outside the city proper so that official buildings could be constructed," T'Mira said.

"I suppose that makes sense. It would be weird if you had a bunch of little shacks in the middle of the city."

Only a few moments later, the shuttle slowed to a stop in front of a tall, formidable, very Vulcan building. The three of them piled out, and T'Mira refused to let Joanna take her duffle bag back. Eventually Joanna conceded, wanting to get out of the direct sun and extreme heat.

The building seemed almost like a hotel. There was a lobby upon entry, and Seril led them directly to an elevator. It took them up three floors before depositing them at the end of a hallway. There were only two doors, though, which Joanna found quite odd.

"They have built new homes in a style quite like condos," T'Mira said. "There are two homes per floor."

"Interesting," Joanna said. "Are all the homes like this?"

"Affirmative," Seril replied.

"Cool. It's like Vulcan is entering a new architectural age. There's no sprawling villas, everything's right here. Are all the condos the same size?"

"No. There are larger condos for larger families and smaller condos for smaller families," Seril explained.

"Very logical," Joanna commented, smiling.

"Of course."

Seril pulled a key out of a pocket in his robes and inserted it into a keyhole by the door, which then caused the door to slide open. Joanna looked on in fascination, having never seen a door like that.

"It is a new style of door," T'Mira informed Joanna, answering her unvoiced question.

"It's a cool style of door," Joanna corrected her.

"We have returned, T'Isan," Seril announced as the three of them entered the house.

Before them sat a living room, with a kitchen off to the left. To the right was a hallway right by the wall the door was on, and Joanna assumed that down the hall she would find bedrooms and a bathroom or two.

"Welcome, Joanna," a Vulcan woman said from the kitchen, holding up the ta'al.

Joanna assumed she was T'Mira's stepmother. With the Vulcan population not much more than 10,000 people, there was an intense effort being made to repopulate. All eligible Vulcans were to be bonded or re-bonded to compatible minds and attempt to produce more children. Seril had been re-bonded to T'Isan, and even Ambassador Sarek had been re-bonded to a woman whose name Joanna believed was T'Lora.

"Hello," Joanna greeted, smiling and returning the ta'al. "You must be T'Isan."

She was tall, taller even than Seril, and was rather traditionally colored. While ShiKahr had been in one of the cooler regions on Vulcan-that-was, and therefore had produced Vulcans with lighter skin, the majority of Vulcans had dark skin. T'Isan clearly had such heritage, with dark skin and pitch black hair arranged in a complicated-looking hairdo sported by many Vulcan women.

"Affirmative. T'Mira has spoken much of you."

"Oh, has she?" Joanna turned to give an amused look to T'Mira, who was very pointedly not looking at Joanna or T'Isan.

"Indeed."

"I am uncertain if T'Mira informed you of this," Seril said to Joanna, "but we have no spare rooms. You will have to share T'Mira's room with her."

"Oh, that's fine," Joanna said, waving a hand. "I'm not opposed to sharing a room."

"My room is of quite a decent size, in any case."

"Why don't you show me?" Joanna suggested. "I mean, I'll be sleeping there for a week, after all."

"Most sensible," T'Mira admitted. "Follow me."

After being handed her luggage by Seril, Joanna followed T'Mira down the hallway, past a laundry room to a bedroom. Beyond that lay two more doors, which Joanna assumed led to another bedroom and a bathroom.

T'Mira's room was fairly large, as she had claimed. There was a queen-sized mattress and a bureau with a mirror, as well as a clearly well-loved and well-used desk by a window that overlooked the street below. Everything was a beige or white, but Joanna didn't particularly care about colors.

"It's nice," Joanna commented. "Very spacious."

"My room on Vulcan-that-was was only perhaps half of the size of this room."

T'Mira sounded wistful, and Joanna didn't blame her. If she was in T'Mira's position, she'd trade whatever fancy new digs she received for her old life and old room in a heartbeat. No condo could ever be better than having her whole family alive in the only home that Joanna knew.

"You haven't told me much about T'Isan," Joanna said, setting her luggage down and leaning against the wall by the door. "Do you like her?"

T'Mira hesitated, then sat down on her bed. It was clearly very Vulcan, and just from watching T'Mira sit down Joanna could tell that the mattress wasn't particularly plush. She spoke while looking at the floor instead of Joanna.

"She is kind, and she is smart, and she is well-suited to my father," T'Mira began. "But she is not my mother."

"I'm sorry," Joanna said quietly.

"It is not your fault." T'Mira looked at her a little quizzically, and it gave Joanna a small thrill that she could recognize T'Mira's confusion. "You know this."

"I know," Joanna replied. "It's a Human thing. A way of expressing condolences, of sympathizing."

T'Mira met Joanna's eyes, and Joanna could see what seemed like affection deep within them. A blush began to rise on her cheeks, and she was grateful that she would be able to play it off as the heat if questioned. She had a crush on T'Mira, had for a while, but the thought of T'Mira liking her back was ludicrous.

"You Humans are incredibly odd at times," was all she said.

"Yeah." Joanna couldn't help but smile. "Sometimes we are."

"T'Mira, Joanna," Seril said from the hallway. "Dinner is ready."

"We will be out promptly," T'Mira responded, and stood from her bed.

Joanna glanced at the desk as they left, orange sunset light drenching the PADDs and some genuine paper that lay there. She turned to T'Mira in the hallway, curiosity rising in her.

"What's all that on your desk?"

"My studies."

T'Mira looked over at Joanna, and she realized with a great sense of disappointment that T'Mira was looking down at her ever so slightly. She'd been taller than T'Mira when they first met, but not anymore.

"And what are you studying?"

"Everything that I can." Something twinkled deep within T'Mira's eyes, like stars. "I plan on becoming a captain."

"Oh, on a Vulcan ship or something?" Joanna asked. "That's cool."

It was very uncool, in reality. If T'Mira became a Vulcan captain and Joanna became a CMO on a Starfleet ship, they'd never or almost never see each other. Sure, they'd be able to talk via PADD, but even then, face-to-face contact could only be achieved when two people were within a certain distance of each other. If they were both on spaceships, face-to-face chatting seemed rather impossible, too.

"No," T'Mira said as they entered the living room. "The Vulcan space program will not be an option for anyone for quite a while. I plan on joining Starfleet, as do a number of my peers."

"Starfleet?" Joanna's mood soared. "Really? Me too! I plan on following in dad's footsteps. I want to be a CMO."

"I suppose, then, that I will have to hire you as my CMO." T'Mira's tone was neutral, but Joanna could almost feel her happiness.

"I suppose you will." Joanna wanted to jump for joy, but managed to tame her reaction so that she just smiled.

"Joanna, I do hope that you enjoy plomeek soup," T'Isan said when they sat down at the table between the kitchen and the living room. "I extend apologies for not asking before now."

"No, I love plomeek soup!" Joanna smiled. "I haven't had it in years; not since I volunteered to help with building New Vulcan."

"Did you enjoy your time on New Vulcan?" T'Isan asked, picking up her spoon.

"Oh, absolutely. I got to see my father for the first time in my memory, and the volunteering was exhausting but fun. Although, I have to admit, falling into a canyon wasn't particularly fun."

"You fell in to the canyon with T'Mira, correct?"

"Technically, I dragged her in with me," Joanna admitted.

"Technically, I grabbed you. You did not grab me. Therefore, I do believe T'Isan's statement to be more correct."

"Oh, you're sassing me, now?" Joanna asked, raising her eyebrows at T'Mira. "I see how it is."

"Vulcans do not sass," T'Mira said, taking a spoonful of her soup.

"I'm not so sure."

The soup was delicious, even better than Joanna remembered. It was probably because the soup wasn't mass-produced, like it had been years ago. Quantity seemed to diminish quality when it came to food, no matter the planet of production.

Dinner proceeded with little conversation, which Joanna found odd. Humans tended to talk through meals, but nothing could be said against Vulcan efficiency. With no talking, they all finished their meals faster than anyone in Joanna's house ever had.

Afterwards, T'Mira and Joanna retreated to T'Mira's room. Night had fallen, and so had the temperature, and while it wasn't cold Joanna began to feel very sticky and gross.

"I think I'll shower before bed," Joanna said.

"You may do so," T'Mira replied. "All of our faculties are yours for the time being."

"I'll be out in under ten minutes."

The bathroom was, as Joanna expected on a desert planet and as it had been when Joanna had volunteered, entirely sonic. The first time she'd ever used sonic showers, it had been quite disconcerting. She'd known she was clean, but she hadn't _felt_ clean. It was easier to dismiss the feeling that she wasn't truly clean this time, and true to word, she was back in T'Mira's room in under ten minutes.

T'Mira wasn't in there, though. Her PADD lay on her bed, still on, and Joanna's curiosity tugged her feet towards it. The contact read 'Sipet.' Feeling a little guilty, Joanna scrolled up to the top of their conversation. Really, though, if T'Mira had wanted to keep their conversation secret then she would've shut the PADD off.

_Sipet, I have a rather complicated issue._

_What has happened?_

_You remember that Joanna McCoy is visiting New Vulcan, correct?_

_Yes, you have been anticipating her arrival._

_I have. I discovered that she is t'hy'la upon her arrival, however._

_T'hy'la? Truly?_

_Indeed. I do not know what to do. We are promised to each other, and are both obliged to do what is necessary to help our people._

_T'Mira, far be it from me to stand between you and your t'hy'la. Are t'hy'la bonds not protected by the government? Such a bond would be a perfectly acceptable reason to break a bond._

_You would permit it?_

_I would._

_Perhaps you would, but considering the population crisis I do not know if the t'hy'la protections are still relevant._

_There is no other way to discover the answer than to ask. I urge you to do so. You are not the only one who my mind is well-suited to._

_I thank you._

Joanna frowned. T'Mira was bonded already? And what was a t'hy'la? It sounded pretty serious.

She set T'Mira's PADD down where she'd found it and pulled out her own PADD, then fired off a message to Spock.

_What's a t'hy'la? T'Mira says I'm hers._

When T'Mira entered the room again, Joanna looked up from her PADD and smiled. T'Mira smiled back with her eyes, then picked up her PADD.

The two of them used their PADDs to play games against each other for some time. They each won about half of the games, but Joanna won slightly more than T'Mira, which made her feel pretty happy. By the time they stopped playing and began to get ready for bed, it was 10:42.

A few minutes later, both T'Mira and Joanna were in bed under the covers. Joanna felt oddly thrilled to be sharing a bed with T'Mira, even just laying next to her as they each played on their PADDs until they began to grow tired.

 _It is a word originating from Ancient Vulcan_ , Spock had responded.

_Well what does it mean?_

_Its closest approximation in Standard is friend, brother, lover. Jim has equated the word to soulmate._

_Soulmate? Oh wow._

A sudden thought struck Joanna.

_...Wait, why does Jim know what the word means?_

_Jim is my own t'hy'la._

Joanna thought of the messages she'd exchanged with her father, how he had complained about Jim and Spock making him sick with their affection for each other. She had barely seen any of their relationship, but what she'd seen made her long for a relationship of her own that was so loving. Now, it seemed she had the opportunity.

"Are you well?" T'Mira asked.

"Huh?" Joanna asked, shutting off her PADD. "Oh, yeah, I'm fine."

Her heart was skipping in her chest, and she could hardly keep a wide smile from spreading across her face. It seemed that Spock's message had sent her into a short, besotted fit.

"Perhaps we should attempt to sleep at this point," T'Mira offered.

Her dark eyes were captivating, and Joanna caught herself staring. She snapped herself out of it as quickly as she could, hoping that her gaze hadn't lingered too long and become awkward.

"Yeah," she said a little breathlessly, wondering at the future and her newfound identity as T'Mira's t'hy'la. "Yeah, okay."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm working on a new fic right now, so this will probably even slower to update from now on lol. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Earthquakes don't care about talent, and Jim doesn't care for earthquakes.
> 
> Set before both I Ran (I Ran So Far Away) and Just the Planets

"Someone explain to me why this building is still full of kids?!" Jim snapped into his comm.

The building in question trembled with another quake, and a chorus of high screams and cries came from inside the building. The doors had been blocked by rubble from falling buildings, so the children couldn't escape that way, but the school itself- tall, without much square footage on each floor, because _of course_ it was- was threatening to collapse as well. Jim had ordered Scotty to beam everyone out of the building and onto the _Enterprise_ , children first, but nothing was happening.

"Just a wee issue," Scotty explained. "Uh, I cannae triangulate them."

"You can't-?"

"One o' the sensors was knocked out, sir, and I cannae use only two of them. Not with the earthquake."

Jim cursed, and Spock was inclined to agree with his sentiment. There had been three sensors that the _Enterprise_ had placed to help triangulate victims so they could be beamed to safety. If one of them had been knocked out, it would be impossible to beam up one person, much less a group.

"Well then how do we fix it? Can you beam another one down?"

"I can try, sir."

"Which sensor failed?" Jim asked, giving Spock a concerned look.

"Uh, the one farthest from ye, sir."

"Of course it was that one." Jim sighed heavily.

He flipped the comm shut and looked over at Spock, his face fixed in an intense frown. When his eyes met Spock, they shone with a sense of deep frustration. Spock could tell by Jim's body language that he was worried, though.

"We're gonna have to run it to the triangulation point," he said. "If it even makes it down here at all."

"I would encourage you to be optimistic," Spock said. "Mister Scott is incredibly talented."

"Earthquakes don't care about talent," Jim said.

He took a deep breath, perhaps to calm himself, and surveyed the building. It was too tall for this, with the rudimentary foundation all of Hewara's buildings had. It clearly hadn't built to survive an earthquake.

Dust had floated up from the wreckage of- thankfully- empty buildings earlier and caused the sky to turn rather green instead of a yellowish color, but it was returning to its usual shade. The building had risen up in front of them through all the clutter like a honing beacon, powerful and strong. Now it seemed incredibly frail.

"Captain," called one of the teachers from a second-floor window. Her pale pink hair was frizzy and her face, which should've been ivory, had gone a rather marble-like shade of gray. "What is taking so long? We have many children here."

"Just a few technical issues," Jim assured her. "You'll all be out in just a moment."

"Would you like me to run the sensor to the triangulation point once Mister Scott had beamed it down?" Spock asked.

"Please do," Jim said. His tone was snappish, but Spock knew that the frustration was not directed at him.

The sensor began to appear in front of them, the light weak. It took approximately 2.43 times longer than it should have for the sensor to fully materialize. As soon as the transport was complete, Spock grabbed the sensor and began to run. Wreckage from the buildings littered the streets, and so Spock's path took an odd zig-zagging pattern.

Along the way he had to take care to get out of the way of first responders who were dragging victims from the rubble of buildings. Some were alive, and some weren't. A few of the victims weren't even whole.

The sensor had been crushed by shifting rubble, most likely during an aftershock. Spock settled the sensor in the appropriate location, and then conned Jim. It had taken him approximately fifteen minutes to get to the correct location, and he could no longer identify which of the few tall buildings in the distance that were still standing was the school. He hadn't heard any significant crash, so he believed it still stood.

"Captain," Spock said into his comm. "The sensor had been placed."

"Got it. Stand by." Jim's voice was tense and he cut off their communication quickly, but Spock knew it was to comm Scotty and felt no offense.

Another huge tremor shook the ground, and Spock braced himself on a particularly sturdy chunk of rock, watching to ensure that the sensor remained upright and intact. He closed his eyes for a moment as a flashback of Vulcan's destruction rocked through him. When he opened his eyes, he could only watch in horror as one of the buildings that he thought was the school buckled and crashed down. The piercing screams of children reached Spock's ears, and he had to stand still with his eyes closed for a moment to collect himself.

When he opened his eyes, his only goal was getting back to Jim. He made his way back as quickly as he could, and when he arrived he found Jim searching through the rubble with a group of first responders, some of whom were Starfleet.

"I found one!" cried an Ensign from Spock's department, tugging on the arms of a child to drag him from the ruins of the building. His head lolled on his neck, his head bleeding and leg badly cut and broken.

Spock began to join the effort, and fought a wave of nausea that swept through him when he noticed a small, unmoving hand sticking out from under a massive slab of rock that was too close to the ground for anyone to have survived.

After several hours, Doctor McCoy beamed down himself to order all Starfleet personnel back to the ship.

"Send down a new group to look for survivors," he suggested, hand tight around Jim's arm, "but stop runnin' yourself ragged. It ain't doin' no one any good."

"Bones," Jim whispered. "You know I won't be able to sleep."

"So I'll sedate you."

"Bones."

"Jim."

"Captain," Spock urged, stepping forward. "I urge you to follow Doctor McCoy's advice."

Jim gave him a betrayed look, but the effect of it was severely diminished by the dark bags under his dimmed eyes. He was swaying some, his eyes a little unfocused. McCoy gave Spock a grateful look from behind Jim.

"I'm fine," he insisted.

"You are not, sir."

"Jim," McCoy said, altering his approach and speaking gently. "The two of you saved fifteen kids initially, and twenty four more after the building's collapse. We're both exhausted, and we both know the odds of finding more live ones are slim. Let the first responders finish doing their jobs. You need to back to the ship and do yours."

"That's only thirty nine kids, Bones." Jim's voice sounded weak, defeated. "There were over a thousand and a half in that building."

"I know." McCoy sighed. "I know, kid."

McCoy tugged gently on Jim's arm, who stumbled after him to an established beam-up point. Comm in hand, McCoy looked up at Spock and raised his eyebrows.

"You too, Commander."

"I am-"

_"Spock."_

Spock relented, joining Jim and McCoy. McCoy was the one to request the beam-up, Jim staring intensely at some of the rubble, a muscle in his jaw twitching. Spock couldn't possibly begin to know what Jim was thinking.

After reappearing back on board, Jim said nothing, just stalked out of the room, spine straight. Spock could tell that he was in pain. McCoy started to go after him, but then seemed to think better of it.

"He's gonna take this personal," McCoy said, sighing heavily. "Damn."

Spock was inclined to agree.

Hours later, Spock requested entry to Jim's quarters. There was no response, but the computer had informed him that 'Captain Kirk is currently located in his quarters.' Spock resisted sighing in exasperation. Truly, the very Human crew was beginning to affect how he acted.

"Computer," Spock asked loudly, "where is Captain Kirk?"

"Captain Kirk is currently located in his quarters," the computer replied merrily.

"Captain," Spock said, loud enough that he knew Jim could hear him if he was near the door, "open the door."

There were a few long seconds of silence, and then finally the door slid open to reveal Jim. He was scowling, his eyes red in a way that suggested tears. Spock was entirely unused to seeing Jim so... disheveled.

"What?" he snapped.

"May I come in?"

Jim glanced up and down the hallway as if making sure no one was coming before he stepped back to let Spock enter. The room was dim, but Spock could tell that it was a mess. The small punching stand that Jim had requested for his room- to help with insomnia, he claimed, without causing worry amongst the crew who might see him beating the crap out of gym equipment at 0300- was out from its normal position tucked away in a corner. It was tipped over despite a heavy base that was supposed to keep it upright. Spock's Vulcan eyes, used to a planet with no moon, could see perfectly well that the bag was split, the contents of it spilled across the floor. He turned to Jim.

"I see you are highly agitated," Spock remarked, his eyes drifted to Jim's hands. They were bloody, the knuckles split. They hadn't even been wrapped to prevent such a thing. Spock wondered if it was some sort of punishment that Jim had given himself.

"Really?" Jim drawled, bitter sarcasm dripping from his voice. "How did you come to that conclusion, science officer?"

"Captain-"

"I think you can call me Jim. I mean, I'm not exactly looking very captainly right now."

"Jim, you are not the only one who was disturbed by the events that occurred earlier today."

"Not-? I know that Spock. You think I'm that selfish?"

Spock had no clue what being selfish had to do with the conversation, and told Jim as much.

"I know I'm not the only one who was 'disturbed' by what happened!" Jim shouted, fists clenched at his sides. "I'm not blind, Spock. I know that children lost their siblings and parents lost their children and some children lost their parents, that so many families were affected by this. I _know_. But this-" Here he stopped and pressed his hands to his eyes as if to press tears back into his skull. He took a deep, shaky breath and then continued, all the fire drained from him. "This is my fault," he whispered. "It was my responsibility to get those children out safely, and I failed miserably."

"We saved thirty nine children, sir," Spock said. "Thirty nine lives continue to exist because of us. You did not fail. We did not fail."

"And how many died?" Jim said, dropping into a nearby chair. "How- how many parents will never have dinner with their kids again, never tuck them in to bed or ask how their day was? How many lives were lost because I couldn't place the goddamn sensor correctly?"

Spock recalled with a sense of shock that it had been Jim who had placed the sensor that had failed. He glanced at Jim, who had his head in his hands, looking incredibly like a boy and not a captain.

"The sensor was faulty, sir," Spock tried to reassure him. "It was not your fault. You placed it correctly."

"And the kids will be so relieved to hear that," Jim snapped, not looking up.

"Sir," Spock said, an idea occurring to him. "Get dressed and use the dermal regenerator that you smuggled from sickbay approximately a month ago-" Jim gave him a surprised and wary look, obviously having assumed that Spock hadn't known about that- "to fix your hands."

"And just where are we going that requires me to get dressed?" Jim asked, but wandered into the bathroom and grabbed the regenerator.

"I will not tell you just yet."

Jim gave him a skeptical look from inside the bathroom, leaning against the doorframe. He must've seen the truth in Spock's face, because he eventually sighed and turned back around to put the regenerator away.

"You can't make me change my mind about this, you know," Jim said as he tugged the shirt he'd been wearing as the dug through the rubble over his head. "You can't... logic me out of thinking this was my fault."

"I know."

Knuckles mostly healed and shirt back on, Jim followed Spock out of his room. He hastily finger-combed his hair as they walked down the hallway and into the turbolift. Jim leaned back against the turbolift wall with his arms crossed. His knuckles were still battered, but they weren't as bad as they had been. He supposed Jim had left them like that as a sort of punishment, like beating the bag until his knuckles split in the first place had been.

Jim followed Spock almost to the doors of one of the rec rooms before he showed any resistance. He stopped dead in his tracks, and when Spock turned his face was fixed in a scowl.

"Really? You think socializing with the kids is going to make me feel better?"

"Half an hour," Spock bargained. "Spend half an hour with the kids, and I will not report your behavior to Doctor McCoy."

"Bastard," Jim snapped. "Five minutes."

"Twenty."

"Seven."

"Eighteen."

"Ten."

"Sixteen."

"Thirteen."

"Agreed." Spock gestured to the door with a hand. "After you, sir."

As soon as Jim stepped inside, the room went quiet. All of the Hewaran children had turned to gape and gawk at Captain Kirk. One young girl of about twelve approached Jim, quiet and solemn-faced. Her skin was an ivory shade, common among her people, and her soft orange hair was tied back in a long, wispy braid. She looked uninjured, but Spock wasn't sure if she had already been fixed by Doctor McCoy or if she'd been one of the ones who had been beamed out.

She stood staring at Jim for a second, two, three, and then launched herself at him, her arms wrapping tight around his torso in a hug. Jim's face warped in shock, and he just looked down at the top of her head for a moment before he returned the hug, his arms tentative around her.

"Thank you," Spock heard the girl say into Jim's chest, her voice tremulous. "I know that you probably feel very bad about not saving everyone, but- I know that you tried very hard. So thank you, Captain."

Spock watched as Jim squeezed his eyes shut as if deeply grieved and pressed his mouth to the top of the girl's head. Spock stood silently by the door. When the girl stepped back, blinking eyes that shown with reddish tears, a young boy who couldn't have been more than five stepped forward and wrapped himself around one of Jim's legs. Jim looked down in surprise and patted the kid on the head.

"Thank you," he said when he, too, stepped away. His pale blue hair almost looked to be the shade of Jim's eyes.

Jim nodded, unable to speak. Spock could see that his eyes were full of tears, and that the captain had to fight not to let any fall when a third kid rushed forward, a boy or maybe eight with a shock of pastel yellow hair.

One by one, all 32 children in the room gave Jim a hug and a 'thank you.' The other seven, Spock knew, were in sickbay being treated by Doctor McCoy and his team. Jim was eventually unable to hold his tears in, and when he began to cry a good amount of the older ones- the ones who truly understood what had just happened, that a majority of their friends and peers were no longer living- did too.

Jim stayed with the children for almost two hours, and when he returned to his quarters with Spock at his side, Spock reflected that he almost looked normal again.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim wakes up.
> 
> Set directly after I Ran (I Ran So Far Away).

Jim blinked awake with no fanfare.

The room was quiet, dark, and cool enough that Jim's bare, uncovered flesh was covered in goosebumps. He shivered and curled up tighter into the fetal position to try and preserve warmth, but as he did a freezing mass came into contact with Jim's chest. He flinched and unfurled, raising his right hand to see what was in it.

"Lights," Jim murmured, "five percent."

The light illuminated a diamond-like stone clasped in his hand. Jim frowned, memories coming back. They drifted like mist, vague and foggy. He remembered the ha'karr and the little river, the stream with the stones.

"What the..?"

There was a sound of rustling fabric and then a mildly alarmed, "Jim?"

"Spock?"

What the hell was Spock doing in his quarters? Everything after the ha'karr's gift was beyond blurry, existing in an amazingly nebulous realm.

"Lights, fifty percent."

Jim squinted into the light for a second or two before he recognized that he was not in his own quarters. Spock was meditating- or he had been, anyways. He was standing, now, and staring at Jim in obvious shock. Jim blushed a little and made to cover his dignity, realizing that he was naked.

"Jim," Spock breathed. "You are normal."

"...Thanks?" Jim asked. "I mean, I'd like to think I'm at least a _little_ better than normal, given my reputation from the Academy, but-"

"Jim," Spock interrupted, clearly puzzled. "I was not commenting on the size of your penis."

"You weren't? Oh, good. What do you mean by 'normal', then?"

Spock seized a blanket from the couch and approached the bed. He handed the blanket out to Jim, who took it gratefully, and then sat down on the edge of the bed in such a way that he nearly faced Jim.

"What is the last thing that you remember?" Spock asked him.

"Uh, the ha'karr? She gave me a gift, but it's supposedly mental or something."

"It was somewhat more than mental." Spock's voice was terse. "You were reverted to a fourteen year-old version of yourself who was in the midst of the Tarsus IV Massacre."

Cold fear swept through Jim, freezing his blood and sending his head spinning. He took a couple breaths to compose himself unable to meet Spock's eyes.

"So you know?"

"I do."

"Who else?" Jim felt ridiculous having this conversation with only a blanket to cover himself, but there wasn't really that much he could do to remedy the situation.

"Lieutenant Uhura, Lieutenant Sulu, Ensign Chekov, Lieutenant-Commander Scott, and Doctor McCoy."

"Stars." Jim put his face in his hands. "That's- That's a lot."

"It is what was necessary for you to return to your normal state. You had to learn to trust your family."

"Clearly I did." Jim finally looked up at Spock, but found no pity or judgement in his eyes. "And, uh, everyone reacted okay?"

"They did. Nobody thought any less of you when you told them what you had survived."

"Really?"

"Really."

Jim was breathless, something warm and overwhelming growing inside of him. The thought of acceptance without pity or judgement was enough to make his eyes water. The relief was leaving him dazed.

"I-" Jim couldn't get words out past a large lump in his throat, and just looked at Spock with imploring eyes.

Spock understood, as always.

"Your disbelief is unwarranted." Spock raised an eyebrow in such a way that it equaled an amused smirk from a Human. "Your family would be quite disappointed to discover that you ever doubted them."

Jim laughed wetly, and reached up to wipe away the tears that had begun to fall. The stone was still clutched in one of his hands, but he was loathe to put it down, so he dealt with the impediment.

"I'm sure Bones was pissed."

"He was most unhappy with the ha'karr, as was your entire crew. However, I do believe that Doctor McCoy was the only one who had to reign in violent urges."

"Did he?" Jim sniffed, his eyes still leaking. He sighed and wiped aggressively at his tears. "Sounds like him."

"Perhaps we should visit sickbay," Spock suggested. "It would bring Doctor McCoy much relief to be able to examine you and reassure himself that you are yourself again."

"Sure thing." Jim looked down at his blanket-covered lap. "Uh, maybe I should get dressed first, though."

"Yes, perhaps."

Jim gathered up the blanket around himself and went back to his room, which was different from how he'd left it. He suspected that Spock had cleaned it at some point. His clothing was still where it had always been, though, and so it took little more than a minute before Jim was back in Spock's room.

They left together, and walked to the turbolift in companionable silence. While inside, a thought occurred to Jim.

"Wait," he said. "I woke up in your room."

"You did."

"Did I stay with you, when I was... younger?"

"You did."

"Really? I would've thought I'd've stayed with Bones."

Spock gave him an amused look, just a slight crinkling around his eyes. "It was, in fact, Doctor McCoy who suggested that you remain in my quarters."

"Really? Huh."

The turbolift dropped them off only feet from sickbay. When they entered, Doctor M'Benga looked up at them, only to freeze in shock.

"Surprise!" Jim said, spreading his arms. "I'm back!"

"Yes you are, captain," M'Benga replied. "Um, do you want me to call Doctor McCoy for you?"

"That would be excellent, Geoff, thank you."

"Doctor M'Benga to Doctor McCoy," Geoff said, "please report to sickbay as soon as possible."

"Should I hide somewhere and scare him?" Jim asked Spock, wiggling his eyebrows in a playful manner.

"Please do not."

"Ugh, you're no fun."

Jim leaned against the end of a biobed, legs and arms crossed. He clenched and unclenched his right hand restlessly. He'd left the stone he'd gotten from the ha'karr in his quarters, and was kind of regretting it. He didn't know what properties the rock had, but it left an itchy longing in Jim's chest, an empty prickling in his hand.

They only had to wait about three minutes before Bones was stalking into sickbay, a mighty scowl on his face. His eyes went straight to M'Benga, seeming to miss Jim. He looked disgruntled, but that was no surprise considering he'd been roused from sleep.

"What is it?" he snapped. "Is it something to do with James?"

"Aw, you do care!" Jim piped up.

Bones whirled around to face Jim so quickly, Jim would be surprised if he didn't end up with some whiplash. He eyes widened, mouth dropping open. It almost seemed like he was going to smile, uncharacteristically, before his face contorted into a scowl and turned rather red.

"I-" he stammered, fuming. With stomping steps, he strode over to Jim and poked him aggressively in the chest. "I cannot _believe_ you," he seethed.

A jovial, joking response hovered just behind Jim's lips, but he decided against voicing it after looking- _really_ looking- at Bones' face. His face and his voice portrayed confidence and anger, but his eyes were scared and hopeful and fragile.

"I'm sorry," Jim found himself saying.

Bones seemed to deflate like a balloon, with a huge _whoosh_. He looked at Jim almost desperately, like he was trying to memorize Jim's face, lest he disappear again. His hands trembled by his sides, and he seemed almost too small for his broad frame. Sympathy and guilt pulsed and twisted in Jim.

Blindly following his intuition, Jim stepped forward and pulled Bones into a tight hug, burying his face in Bones' neck. Bones froze in his arms, then returned the hug with a crushing grip. Jim really hadn't known how strong Bones was.

Bones took a deep, shaky breath and said, "I'm glad you're back."

"I know," Jim replied quietly. "I am, too."


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Weddings are fun!
> 
> Set about a year and a half after Just the Planets.

The wedding was small. Neither Jim nor Spock were the kind to overly flaunt their relationship, and if anything the obsession that the press had with their relationship had caused them both to soundly reject a larger wedding. They didn't want it to be a press event, but a celebration of their bond and their love.

Jim's heart was skipping beats in his chest where he stood between rows of occupied chairs and a latticed archway drowning in ruby red roses. He'd given Nyota free reign over the decorating, knowing that she would keep the wedding tasteful and elegant. She'd been more than happy to add 'wedding planner' to her resume, and had confessed to Jim through a grin wide enough that Jim had feared it would split her face that she had wanted to be a professional wedding planner when she was around ten.

The ceremony was taking place in a sprawling green field in front of a lake, with verdant woods and a perfect lazy blue sky creating an overall picturesque day. Jim really couldn't have asked for anything better. It was about noon, but the sun beating down on Jim wasn't hot enough to be uncomfortable.

Partially because of the size of the guest list- and it really was small, only ten people aside from him, Spock, and the man who was marrying them- Jim had opted not to wear his formal grays and was instead wearing a rather traditional finely tailored three-piece suit. It was, as Nyota had defined the color, heather gray, and underneath it he wore a shirt and tie of different, lighter shades of blue that everyone seemed to agree made his eyes pop. It was a very, very nice suit, Jim had to agree, and much more comfortable than his formal grays.

Across from him, Michael- Spock's sister and best woman- gave him a small smile that helped to calm his nerves. He hadn't even known she'd existed until fairly recently, when Spock had told Nyota during one of their wedding planning sessions that he had wanted his sister to be his best woman.

Behind him, Bones was a comforting presence. His stomach was doing acrobatics, and although he knew that he had nothing to fear, he was suddenly incredibly nervous. Old anxieties were popping up, like his fears of rejection and abandonment.

A wash of calm and love came through his bond to Spock, and his nerves were almost instantly soothed. He resisted the urge to laugh, but settled for responding to the mental embrace.

 _I'm pretty sure this is breaking tradition a little,_ Jim thought to Spock. _Couples aren't supposed to see each other or talk to each other on their wedding day until one of them is being walked down the aisle._

_When have you ever been one who adheres to illogical rules? Besides, I did not communicate with words. If either of us just broke tradition, it would be you._

Jim let his lips twitch up into a small smile. Anyone could easily blame it on the joy of the fact that he was about to marry his soulmate. No one would suspect that he was mentally communicating with Spock.

Well, no, that wasn't quite right. Michael was giving him a knowing look. He wondered how she, not bonded to a Vulcan, could possibly know. He'd have to ask her later, if it didn't slip his mind.

Jim glanced into the audience, what little audience there was. The chairs were in two rows of two in order to create some semblance of an aisle without having single-seat 'rows,' but in the front row on Jim's side of the aisle sat Bones' mother Eleanor and Joanna, who had done her duties as flower girl quite admirably, even if she would normally have been considered a little too old for the job. As the only female under twenty at the wedding, it had been unanimously decided to gift the role to her if she would accept it. She had, and enthusiastically, too.

He'd never seen her all dressed up before, and based on the tear or two that had fallen when Bones had seen her walking down the aisle in her flower girl outfit, neither had he. Her white dress was simple, but the sash tied around her waist was a deep blue with bright flecks and spots of gold. Her hair was up in a fancy bun, two perfect curls left out of her bun to frame her face. She even had makeup on, although Jim doubted that she'd been the one to apply it.

Suddenly, music began to play, the old-fashioned tune traditionally played at weddings. Jim's heart leapt in his chest like it was trying to create a new beat for the song. Chest feeling airless, he turned his gaze towards the aisle.

And there was Spock.

Spock, who he hadn't seen since the night before, far too long a time. His suit was a deep, deep green that set off his skin beautifully, and Jim was shocked still from Spock's sheer handsomeness. It took his breath away all the time, how handsome Spock was, but it was like someone had taken all of Jim's favorite things about Spock and created a suit that highlighted every single one of them.

He wasn't even aware of the fact that his face had split into a wide grin until Spock's eyes met his. Their mental connection pulsed with love, and Jim caught a fragment of what Spock saw, him in his suit beaming like an lovestruck fool. Jim only grinned wider at the sight, his cheeks beginning to ache remarkably quickly.

When Spock reached the latticed arch and came to a stop facing Jim, his eyes were glowing in the subtle Vulcan way that they did. Except this time, there was no secret. His eyes were, even by Human standards, very emotional. Jim suspected that Spock didn't care, though, because he made no effort to make his eyes any sterner. Jim could feel a bit of a lump forming in his throat, but fought to vanish it- he had to be able to speak in order to say his vows.

"Welcome, everybody," the officiant began, a warm smile on his face. We're all thrilled that you could make it today to the wedding of James Kirk and S'chn T'gai Spock." Jim flicked his eyes over to the officiant, impressed by his grasp of the Vulcan tongue. "It is my honor to officiate this wedding, and it pleases me greatly to hear the distances that some have traveled to be here today. Family, after all, is everything.

"James and Spock have chosen to read an ancient Hawaiian wedding prayer which they think captures how they feel. It's from another time and culture, but it does a remarkable job at expressing the meaning of love."

Spock began to speak, the deep timbre of his voice causing every part of Jim to quiver. "Before we met, you and I were halves unjoined except in the wide rivers of our minds. We were each other's distant shore, the opposite wings of a bird, the other half of a seashell. We did not know the other then, did not know our determination to keep alive the cry of one riverbank to the other. We were apart, yet connected in our ignorance of each other, like two apples sharing a common tree. Remember?"

Jim smiled at him and picked up the other part of the prayer. "I knew you existed long before you understood my desire to join my freedom to yours. Our paths collided long enough for our indecision to be swallowed up by the greater need of love. When you came to me, the sun surged towards the earth and the moon escaped from darkness to bless the union of two spirits, so alike that the creator had designed them for life's endless circle."

Then together, eyes locked on each other's, "Beloved partner, keeper of my heart's odd secrets, clothed in summer blossoms so the icy hand of winter never touches us. I thank you for your patience. Our joining is like a tree to earth, a cloud to sky and even more. We are the reason the world can laugh on its battlefields and rise from the ashes of its selfishness to hear me say, in this time, this place, this way – I love you best of all."

Jim heard a sniffle or two from their small audience, but ignored them. His vision was filled with Spock, and his mind too. The small, folded piece of paper in his pocket felt like a brand. He was acutely aware of its presence.

"As you have both prepared vows, we will hear those now. Spock, do you have any objection to reading first?"

"I do not," Spock said.

"Then you may proceed."

Spock reached into his suit and pulled from it a folded piece of paper, much like the one Jim had. The anticipation was unbelievable, every fiber of Jim's being aching to know what Spock had written. He almost felt like a child, giddy with glee.

"When I was young," Spock began, "I wished to have a relationship like the one that my parents had. I wished to have a relationship of choice, a relationship in which I loved my partner. I believed those dreams to be dashed when I was betrothed to T'Pring, but she then requested a bond annulment so that she could bond to the man she'd chosen in the wake of Vulcan's destruction. My dream, however foolish it seemed to many, was once again a possibility.

"At the time, Jim, I would never have entertained you as an option. Our relationship was, to say the very least, precarious. Yet as years passed, I came to realize that you were a prime specimen of Humankind, paralleled in my mind only by my mother.

"Over time, I fell in love with you, and later came to realize that you were my t'hy'la, my perfect other half in every sense. I came to realize that you are kind, and you are considerate, and you are wiser than any might expect, and you are incredibly intelligent. If I may be so bold, you are the bravest soul that I know-" Spock's lips twitched just barely in amusement. "-and I am acquainted with many of Starfleet's finest officers."

Spock's eyes twinkled with love, and Jim felt like he might melt under the attention. His eyes were watering and he blinked rapidly to keep the tears at bay. He refused to cry- not yet, anyways.

"I do not believe," Spock finished quietly, "that I could possibly love you any more than I already do."

He folded the piece of paper back up and returned it to its original place. The officiant nodded at Jim, who retrieved his own vows with a trembling hand. He fumbled while unfolding them and laughed quietly at his own incompetence.

"When I was eleven," Jim began, voice shaking just a little from the sheer scale of his emotions, "I came to the realization that everyone I loved would leave me; that loving people was useless and depending on people was foolish, because one day they would ultimately decide that I wasn't worth their time and they would abandon me.

"I decided that to love was a weakness, and I had plenty of proof to back up my claim. It had destroyed my mother when my father died, and growing up I had never understood how, if he really loved us, he could abandon us. I didn't see his sacrifice as some noble feat, like so many others did.

"So I floundered my way through my teens and early twenties, decided that the closest I'd ever get to love was meaningless one night stands, and resigned myself to that. I craved love so desperately, but I was too scared to try and find it, or to let it in.

"Then the whole incident with Nero happened. I found myself on trial for beating a simulation, had my dead father rubbed in my face, and that very same day found myself staring down the man who had killed my father and almost killed me, too. But also on that day, I met you."

Here, Jim paused and then repeated, quietly, "I met you.

"I met you, and eventually I befriended you, and I realized that you're a far better person that I ever anticipated. You're smart, and you're sarcastic, and you're funny as hell, and you aren't afraid to tell me when I'm being too stubborn and headstrong, and you're such a genuinely kind, good person." He laughed a little, but it was thick with emotion. "I couldn't be luckier to have found you and be able to keep you.

"When I became captain, I gained a new insight into my father's last decision. He had to save his crew- that's what a captain does. But I still didn't understand why he stayed until the end instead of boarding a shuttle." Sudden tears swelled and obscured his vision of the paper he held, but he didn't really need it anymore. "I get it now, though. He stayed behind to ensure that my mother and I would make it to safety. That security for us was worth more to him than his own life. I don't blame him anymore, because I understand exactly what he was doing, now, exactly how much love is worth dying for sometimes."

A lump in Jim's throat obstructed his speech, and he took a deep, shuddery breath as he tried to compose himself.

"Jim?" Spock queried softly.

"I-" He took another breath. "I'm not afraid of love anymore. I know how it can destroy someone, but I also know how it can build someone into the best version of themselves they could possibly be. And I don't hold a grudge against my father anymore, either, because I know if I were put in his position and you in my mother's, I..." He reached up and wiped a tear from his face with a badly shaking hand. "I would do exactly what he did, and without even the smallest moment of hesitation.

"I'll end with a portion of the sonnet I alluded to in my proposal to you.

So long as men can breathe, or eyes can see,/So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.

"I love you, Spock. More than anything else in this universe."

The dewy-eyed officiant cleared his throat and said, "Wedding rings are a symbol of commitment and love. They are circular, with no beginning and no end, just like the love of these two grooms. They represent what has been and what will always be. Ring bearers, please present the rings."

Since there were no other kids to carry the rings, and Joanna had already fiercely claimed her role as flower girl and _only_ flower girl, Jim and Spock had decided to give the rings to Bones and Michael. Each of them would act as a ring bearer.

Michael stepped forward and handed Jim the ring for Spock, which dangled on a chain the same color as the ring. Their rings were identical, made primarily of bright titranium. Engraved on the inside of the rings was _Ek'wak, t'hy'la_ , meaning 'forever, soulmate,' in Standard. On the outside of the ring was a band inlaid in the center, patterned with nebulous blue and gold. It was as if two metallic shades of paint were mixing on the surface of water. Jim gave her a small smile as he took it, still blinking away his tears, and did her the courtesy of pretending that she wasn't close to crying.

Bones stepped up to be next to Jim and handed Spock the ring that was for Jim, which was not on any chain. Starfleet protocol prohibited jewelry unless it was culturally significant, like a Bajoran's earrings or a Human wedding ring. He planned on flaunting his relationship to the best of his ability.

"Thank you," the officiant said once both Bones and Michael had stepped back to their original positions. "Now, Spock, you may place the ring on the tip of James' finger and repeat after me."

Jim held out a trembling hand, and Spock took the wrist of it in his own. Spock's hands helped to steady his tremors, and Jim blinked back more tears as he looked down at the ring, then up at Spock.

"I love you," the officiant began, and Spock repeated it. "My heart is in this ring/My love is in this ring/I promise to be your faithful husband/to love you through the best and the worst/through the difficult and the easy/ I promise you my unconditional love/and I give you my unwavering trust/when you look at this ring/remember that I love you always."

"Remember," Spock finished, and his voice sounded a little rough, "that I love you always."

"You may slide the ring all the way onto his finger."

Spock did as told, and Jim tried to prevent his breath from hitching as the ring settled into place, surprisingly warm. It felt right, having a ring there, like it had always belonged right where it currently was.

"James, it's your turn."

Jim unclasped the necklace and held it up in front of Spock, smiling, then nodded at the officiant.

"Repeat after me. Spock, thank you for my beautiful ring."

"Spock," Jim said, his smile playful, "thank you for my beautiful ring."

"I love you/ My heart is in this ring/My love is in this ring/I promise to be your faithful husband/to love you through the best and the worst/through the difficult and the easy/ I promise you my unconditional love/and I give you my unwavering trust/when you look at this ring/remember that I love you always."

Spock's eyes seemed a little misty, and his mouth was curved in the smallest of smiles as he stared at Jim. Jim couldn't help but beam back, his eyes still frustratingly teary.

"James, you may place the necklace around his neck."

Jim settled the necklace around Spock's neck, but with the clasp out of sight, he couldn't quite manage to properly fasten the necklace. He laughed and retracted the necklace.

"Spock, can you- yeah, yeah, turn around please. Thanks."

With Spock turned around, Jim was finally able to fasten the necklace to a chorus of laughter from their small audience. With the necklace clasped, Spock turned around to face Jim again.

"I now, by the power vested in me by the United Federation of Planets, take great joy in pronouncing you man and husband. You may kiss the groom."

Jim grinned far too wide, wide enough that his face began to ache fiercely, and grabbed Spock's face with both hands to pull him into an enthusiastic kiss. Spock was just as eager to kiss back, bringing his hands up to rest them on Jim's sides, but below his armpits.

The applause was as thunderous as it could possibly be with only ten people in attendance, and Jim laughed into Spock's mouth as he began to cry again, just from the overwhelming joy he felt.

 _You complete me, k'diwa_ , Spock told him mentally, their bond dripping with staggering amounts of happiness and love. _Always_ _and_ _forever_.

 _Love is not love/Which alters when it alteration finds,/Or bends with the remover to remove_ , Jim quoted, pulling away just slightly to rest his forehead against Spock's.

Jim looked out into their tiny audience and saw that not a single pair of eyes was dry except for the officiant's and Spock's. Eleanor McCoy was crying, as well as Nyota and Sulu. Even Scotty was wiping tears from his face, but what Jim found most impressive was Joanna. She was positively bawling her eyes out, and it was very clear that her makeup was waterproof or else it would've been running all down her face.

He didn't even know how to express how grateful he was for everyone who had showed up, even Sam and his wife Aurelan. They were trying to grow closer again, become more like brothers, and so far they were doing pretty okay.

"I know," Spock murmured, and pressed a kiss to his temple. Jim wasn't even surprised that Spock could tell what he was thinking, especially not with their bond.

"I love you," Jim replied quietly, and his face was genuinely in a lot of pain by now from all the smiling, but he couldn't have cared less.

"I love you too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Someone requested a wedding story, and I just couldn't resist writing one! This has turned out way longer than I thought it would, though, so you guys can look forward to a part two (hopefully) sooner rather than later! Precalculus homework works hard, but I like to think that I work harder.
> 
> Also, here's the link to the ring that inspired Jim and Spock's: https://goo.gl/images/HP1P3M  
> I don't think it'll let you follow it (why!!) but you can copy-paste.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The wedding, part two!

The reception was hosted nearby at the home of some of Spock's Human relatives, who hadn't even been invited to the wedding. They'd said they'd understood that Jim and Spock wanted a small wedding, and that they knew that they'd never been particularly close with Spock, but their sprawling Washington estate- currently empty, as everyone was conveniently on a big family vacation- was very much available for Jim's and Spock's use. It had even been free, as long as they took care of the place.

"I knew your dad was loaded," Jim told Spock as they walked down a hallway towards the ballroom-like place where the reception was being held, "but damn, I had no clue your mother's side was rich too."

"My mother's sister married into the family to which this estate belongs," Spock told him. "Her side of the family is not rich."

"Oh. Well, that doesn't make this building any less impressive."

"No," Spock agreed, looking around. "It does not."

At the doors, the two of them paused. Jim looked over at Spock and began to laugh again, and was met with a bemused look from his husband.

His _husband_ , and wasn't that a lovely phrase?

"We're married, Spock!" Jim stage whispered, reaching down to link the first two fingers of his hand with Spock's in a gesture between a comforting hand-holding and a kiss.

"Indeed we are." Spock's eyes shone with happiness, and dropped to the ring on Jim's finger.

"I think it's time for our grand entrance," Jim said, bumping his arm against Spock's.

"Yes, I believe it is."

Together, they pushed open the doors and stepped into their reception room. They were greeted by applause, hooting, and hollering from their guests, seated at two side tables that branched off from the couple's table in a sharp U shape. The table was farther back, by sprawling windows that let in dazzling sunlight. They didn't even need lights, or at least not yet. The makeshift dance floor was in front of the table, just a tape-bordered section of parquet.

The DJ began to play their chosen first dance song, and Jim pulled Spock onto the dance floor, grinning like a loon. Spock put up no complaint, letting himself be led.

"Wise men say," the singers began, "only fools rush in..." They were some sort of early 21st century a cappella group, and they were really good, too.

"But I," Jim sang softly, wrapping his arms around Spock's neck as they began to sway together, "can't help falling in love with you."

Spock settled his hands on Jim's hips, tipping his head and resting his forehead against Jim's temple. Jim grinned, his singing fading to hums. They swayed side to side to the music, and Jim couldn't have stopped the smile that spread across his face if the universe depended on it.

"I love you, k'diwa," Spock murmured.

"I love you too, ashaya."

When their dance was over, Jim and Spock were greeted by another round of applause. They then migrated to their table, where they hovered behind their seats instead of immediately sitting down.

"So normally at this point the parents of the brides would give a speech, but..." Jim looked around as if searching for something and raised his eyebrows, then grinned at the guests. "I don't see any parents here, except for my lovely pseudo-mother and my grumpy CMO."

Eleanor smiled at him and discretely wiped away a tear.

"You flatterer," Bones said, rolling his eyes.

"So instead of having our parents give speeches, Spock and I would just like to welcome you guys ourselves and thank you all for being here." He smiled at all of them before continuing. "It means a lot that you all could be here, really. Spock and I couldn't be happier. So..." He nodded, content with his short but succinct speech. "Thank you."

And with that, Jim and Spock sat down at their table, side by side. Spock looked over at him with eyes that gleamed with joy and said quietly, "Quite succinct, and tastefully emotional."

"I try," Jim said, grinning.

He glanced at their guests, still smiling. Closest to him was Bones, then Joanna, then Eleanor, then Sam, then Aurelan. Closest to Spock sat Michael, then Nyota, then Sulu, then Chekov, then Scotty. Jim had been a surprised at how much work went into weddings, down to the seating arrangements. It had taken some time to make sure that everyone was seated next to appropriate people, and that nobody sat Bones next to Sam, who would undoubtedly subtly grill Jim's poor brother. It was also important to ensure that nobody put Aurelan in the middle of a group of people she didn't know.

Soon enough, the hired waiters entered the rooms with trays heavily laden with food-filled plates. Jim and Spock were served first, grilled fish with steamed asparagus on a bed of rice for Jim, and a salad for Spock. All of the guests except for Michael received grilled chicken with green beans and mashed potatoes. Michael received a salad, like Spock had. Everyone dug in greedily, starving due to all of the crying that had been done.

"I haven't had real, decent grilled chicken in so long," Bones sighed, and stuffed another piece in his mouth.

"This is why I'll never go into Starfleet," Aurelan said, shaking her head. "I'd miss real food too much."

"Replicated food doesn't taste that bad," Jim said, and was met by withering glares from all Starfleet officers present, with the exception of Michael and Spock, who just raised their eyebrows at him.

"We can't all be capable of eating anything and everything," Nyota said, smiling and rolling her eyes.

"I take great offense to that," Jim told her. "There are a plethora of things that I can't eat."

"Allergies don't count," Sulu said, shaking his head.

"Spock," Jim said, turning to Spock and poking his arm. "Spock, husband dear, I think I'm being attacked."

Spock didn't look up from spearing some of his salad on a fork and said, "I trust that you are capable of handling the situation, k'diwa."

"Spoooooock."

Bones began to snicker.

By the conclusion of the meal, everyone was happy, pleasantly full, and more than ready to cry again at the speeches that Michael and Bones were set to give. Michael went first, standing and turning to address the other guests.

"As you all most likely have determined by now, I am not one to make grand, emotional speeches, nor is my brother. I will do my best, however, to make our mother proud. If she were still here, then she would certainly have aided me in writing this, but I had to settle for the help of my Human friends.

"I have many a memory of Spock that I could share, however I believe that it is customary to share memories that are humorous. They are few and far between, but Spock was occasionally humorous, even as a child."

A small murmur of laughter rippled through the guests.

"I distinctly remember one occasion when Spock was young and decided to wander off without supervision. Our house on Vulcan-that-was was surrounded by a great amount of desert, full of potentially lethal animals, and it was into this desert that Spock wandered.

"We didn't realize that he was gone until he returned, though not of his own volition. I was the one to answer the door when we heard the doorbell, and was greeted by the sight of I-Chaya, our sehlat. For those who don't know what a sehlat it, my mother once summarized it as a teddy bear with fangs."

Bones's face was splitting into a large smile, and Jim had no doubt that he'd be rubbing this into Spock's face for a long, long time.

"Dangling from I-Chaya's mouth like a cub was Spock. I-Chaya had a grip on the back of Spock's robe's collar, and Spock's toes could only brush the ground. His face was the most petulant that I've ever seen it, and his face was flushed with embarrassment."

"Of course that is the story you chose to tell," Spock sighed.

"It's not the only story," Michael said, her lips curving into a small smile.

"If it makes you feel any better," Jim murmured to Spock, "I'm sure Bones will have plenty of awful stories to tell about me."

"I remember the day that our mother tried to teach Spock to cook," Michael began, and Jim gasped in delight.

Spock, he knew, was an absolutely terrible cook. He was very much a scientific mind, and couldn't handle vague instructions like, "Cook it until it's done," or, "Add a pinch of salt." Spock had only attempted to cook for Jim once, and they had both consequently decided that if any cooking needed to be done, Jim was going to do it. Baking was a different matter, with its precise measurements. That was where Spock ruled.

"It was a nice day, so I was doing my homework in the dining room. From there, I could see into the kitchen; Spock and Amanda were unaware of my presence. Amanda was giving Spock instructions, and at one point she asked Spock to add 'a dash of salt.' Spock just looked at her for a moment and then asked, 'What do you mean by a dash?'"

Jim began to laugh quietly.

"'Oh, you know,' Amanda said, 'a dash. Just a bit.' I could see the incomprehension on Spock's face, a flustered blush spreading across his cheeks. 'What do you mean, a dash?' he repeated. 'A dash is not a scientific measurement.' This went on for some time before Spock finally burst and exclaimed, 'Cooking is illogical!' before fleeing the kitchen."

All the guests laughed, and Jim caught Spock's cheeks flushing just the faintest bit green. He rested two of his fingers atop Spock's hand, drawing Spock's attention.

"You've never really changed, have you?" Jim murmured, grinning.

"Not in this aspect," Spock said somewhat stiffly. "A dash is not a precise measurement."

Jim laughed quietly before returning his attention to Michael, but didn't move his hand.

"Now, as for Jim, I only met him for the first time very recently, so I can't provide you all with any humorous stories about interactions I've had with him. I'm certain that Doctor McCoy will be able to provide you with plenty of anecdotes wherein Jim is the star, but not me.

"However, I do recall quite vividly watching Spock's relationship with Jim grow over the course of several years. After the destruction of Vulcan, Spock and I decided to reconnect. We would talk mostly about ship business during our conversations, and I couldn't help but notice that one name seemed to come up repeatedly.

"Spock seemed unaware of this, but he talked about Captain Kirk very often. He spoke of how he'd handled a diplomatic situation, or how he'd bent but not quite broken a regulation, or even how he'd had a peculiarly funny interaction with Doctor McCoy. Every conversation we had, it seemed, Captain Kirk would be mentioned."

 _Even then?_ Jim asked Spock through their bond, affection bubbling up in his chest and forcing itself out through his smile.

_I did not recognize what my emotions were then, but yes._

"Eventually," Michael continued, giving them an amused look that just screamed, 'I know exactly what you two are doing,' "I felt almost as if I knew this Captain Kirk, who was impulsive and daring and kind and intelligent and commanded fierce, unwavering loyalty, even from my little brother. Then Captain Kirk became Jim, and it was some time after that that I realized what had happened."

Michael presented her entranced audience with a pause of perfect length before continuing with, "Without even realizing it, my brother had fallen in love."

Someone sniffed. Jim didn't look, but he thought it might've been Scotty.

"So time progressed, and I got to watch my brother fall deeper and deeper in love. Then one day, he told me with an unusual blush that he had begun a relationship with someone." She smiled again. "I knew exactly who it was immediately, but I asked him, and he told me that not only had he begun to date Captain James Tiberius Kirk, but that they were t'hy'la.

"I knew then that any argument I may have possibly have had- although I had none- were futile and, in fact, most likely incorrect. I was overjoyed, to say the least."

"To conclude, let me just say..." Michael truly smiled at the two of them now, and when her eyes lingered on Jim he read the message of, 'Don't you date hurt my little brother' loud and clear. "May you both live long and prosper."

Applause burst from the guests. Michael sat down quickly, clearly a little awkward with all of the attention. Spock, his hand still under Jim's, gave his sister a nod.

"You did very well," he told her.

"Thank you."

It was Bones' turn to stand up, now, and Jim dreaded it just a little bit. Jim shot his best friend a look that was just a little concerned, and the bastard just winked in response.

"Don't worry," he told Jim as he stood. "This will hurt about as much as a hypo."

"You make those things sting like a bitch!" Jim protested.

"I think that's the point, honey," Eleanor chimed in.

"I'd like to begin by toasting the four wonderful people who really allowed for this wedding to happen by birthing these two men." Bones held up his champagne glass and grinned at them all, a charming Southern gentleman. "To Winona, George, Amanda, and Sarek."

"To the parents," Michael agreed, holding up her own glass.

"To the parents!" chorused the rest of the wedding guests.

"Now, I don't know how much y'all know about how I met both Jim and Spock, but..." He laughed and shook his head. "I met Jim on the shuttle to Starfleet. I was well on my way to wasted when I sat down next to him, and in the end, I ended up vomiting on him due to my aviophobia.

"When I was first dragged out of the bathroom by a very intimidating officer, I figured, 'Hey, this kid's the only other person I see that's not in uniform, and he looks rough as hell, too. Birds of a feather flock together, I s'pose.' So I sat down next to him despite the blood on his shirt and the fact that he reeked of booze. By the time we got to San Francisco I had a nickname, and the rest was history.

"Spock, on the other hand, was a totally different story." Just the tone of that introduction was enough to send little titters of laughter across the small audience, and Jim grinned, too. "See, I actually liked him at first. He was no-nonsense, and gave Jim shit for cheating. I wasn't exactly happy with him draggin' Jim's dad into the whole mess, but I suppose I respected him a certain amount.

"Then we got on board the Enterprise, and I discovered that he had a bigger stick up his ass than anyone I'd ever met. Turns out there was no stick, he was just bein' himself, but I didn't find that out for a good long while. From where I stand now, I can draw a temporary truce for our perpetual argument and say that Spock’s a hell of a guy, and I admire him greatly.

“I know you’re all waiting patiently for funny stories about Jim and don’t particularly care about my loving, banter-filled relationship with Spock, but I don't got too many good stories that are appropriate. I won’t disappoint entirely, though. See, what I thought was the funniest thing about Jim at the Academy was that he’d get into these flimsy relationships sometimes and then wonder why they weren’t working when his partner couldn’t hold a candle to Jim’s intelligence.”

“Aww.” Jim sighed and fluttered his eyelashes at Bones. “You do love me!”

“I’ll take that back,” Bones threatened. “Don’t think that I won’t.”

Their small audience laughed.

“Now, to get back to my story, Jim would get frustrated that the people he would occasionally choose to date couldn’t keep his mind occupied. I remember one time soon after he got his captaincy, he was in my quarters for our weekly drinks. He wasn’t quite friends with Spock yet, and was ranting about some sort of intellectual debate that they’d had. I was watching Jim pace and rant about what Spock had said and how he’d said it, using all sorts of words that I didn’t understand at all, but as he ranted I watched his eyes and really listened to him, not just his words. It was a surprise to me to find that Jim was… excited, I suppose. There was a light in his eyes and a happiness in his voice, and I realized then that Spock was a good intellectual match for Jim.” He laughed. “It took all three of us a good while after that to realize just how right of a match they are.

“I’ve got so many stories even if they ain't appropriate that I think I’ll stick to just that one to avoid rambling for too long, but I’ll end with a nice quote by Nikki Giovanni that I think fits these two dummies pretty well: We love because it’s the only true adventure.”

Bones’ speech was met with generous applause. When Bones sat down, a little flustered, Jim grinned at him.

“Did you really know then?” Jim asked, just a little embarrassed.

Bones raised an eyebrow and smirked, but didn't respond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I thought I'd be able to put the whole reception in this, but it looks like there's gonna have to be a part three to finish up this story! It'll definitely take some time because my vacation ends today, but I hope it'll be up sooner rather than later!


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The wedding, part three! (And also the end of the wedding chapters)

They all moved directly to the dance floor after the speeches, skipping the traditional parent-child dance. There weren't enough parents to go around, Jim joked, and Spock didn't smile but Jim could see the exasperated amusement in his eyes.

Jim and Spock spun each other around for a song as other pairings spun around them. There went Bones and Joanna, stumbling and laughing as they danced hand in hand; Sulu and Scotty laughing until their faces were bright red and Sulu stumbled every other step, Scotty commenting, "How the hell are you the one keeping us in the sky?" breathlessly though his guffaws; Nyota and Michael stepped gracefully around the dance floor, their bodies sheltered in a curiously intimate manner that had Jim raising an eyebrow; Sam and Aurelan twirled with practiced ease that put everyone else on the dance floor to shame except Nyota and Michael; Chekov stumbled after Eleanor's lead with tripping steps.

After the first song ended, the pairings all separated and found different partners. Jim ended up dancing with Nyota, and smirked at her. She narrowed her eyes in suspicion.

"So how are you and Michael getting along?" Jim quipped cheekily.

Nyota was now full on glaring, albeit playfully, and settled for dodging the question and saying, "I'm only letting that slide because it's your wedding day."

"So that's a 'good,' yes?"

"Shut up, Kirk," Nyota said as he twirled her through a complicated leaping and falling of notes, but she burst into laughter halfway through and all the heat in her voice lost its merit.

"You wound me," Jim replied, but he was laughing, too.

After Nyota, Jim found himself with a flower girl in his arms. He smiled down at her as the third song began, something energetic that demanded dancing. Joanna gasped and grinned brightly, squeezing Jim's hands tight as they began to dance.

"I love this song!" she exclaimed.

"Do you?"

Jim couldn't help but love her enthusiasm, the way she laughed and jumped along to the beat like a far littler girl despite the dress and full face of makeup.

At the end of the song, when it changed to something slower, Jim clung to Joanna instead of switching partners. Joanna beamed at him as they began to dance again, and her enthusiasm was so contagious that Jim beamed right back.

"I'm glad you and Mister Spock are married now," Joanna said, a pink stain stealing across her cheeks to lay under her makeup. "You guys are really good together."

"And I'm glad you think so," Jim said. Smiling just from the memory, he continued with, "Did you know that the day after we fell into that canyon was the day that Spick and I began to date?"

Joanna's eyes widened, but Jim could nearly see the analysis as the shocked look faded from her face. "Oh," she finally said. "That makes sense. He sat in the waitin' room with me the whole time, and he looked super nervous when he first got to the hospital."

Jim didn't think that he'd ever heard that before, and so he asked, "Really?"

Joanna gave him a skeptical look and stumbled just a little, but quickly regained her groove. With all the expected sass of a teenaged girl, she responded with, "Uh, yeah. You didn't know?"

"No," Jim admitted. He smiled. "Spock's not the kind to tell me all of those embarrassing things."

"It wasn't embarrassing." Joanna scowled. "It was cute."

"Oh I know," Jim nodded, partially to the beat and partially to her declaration. "He views stuff like that as embarrassing, though."

"Vulcans," Joanna said, shaking her head.

Jim laughed and asked, "Aren't you and T'Mira friends?"

"We are," Joanna affirmed. "Still."

"Still," Jim agreed.

When that song was over, Jim reluctantly handed Joanna over to Nyota and found himself dancing with Sulu.

A few dances later, after a short break and a, "Spock, how the hell does dancing tire me out so quickly? I'm a Starfleet officer and a captain to boot," Jim re-entered the dance floor and found himself dancing with Aurelan.

"Oh," he said, surprised but not displeased. He grinned at her. "Hello."

"Hello," Aurelan greeted.

Jim and Sam were reopening a dialogue between them, but Jim had yet to understand how Sam gotten someone as gorgeous as Aurelan to fall in love with him. She was Filipina, with dark brown eyes and black hair that had been pinned and twisted into a beautiful updo, although it looked like it hurt a little. Her face was ridiculously symmetrical and her skin so smooth that Jim was almost confused by the fact that she wasn't a model.

"I'm glad the two of you could make it," Jim said.

"Oh, of course. We wouldn't miss it for the Universe." She smiled warmly at him. "I'm so happy that you and Sam are talking again. He's not going to tell you, of course, because he's a fool, but he was just ecstatic when you told him that you wanted to become closer."

"Was he?" Jim asked, surprised, and then frowned. "If he wanted a connection so badly, then why didn't he reach out to me first?"

Aurelan shrugged, her mouth downturned. "I asked him that same question. He didn't feel that he had the right, and he was certain that you'd reject him."

Jim pursed his lips in consideration as he spun her. "Really?"

"Really."

He supposed he could understand Sam's hesitance. Their last interaction for years before Jim had reached out to him had been decidedly unpleasant. It was perfectly reasonable for Sam to think that Jim's grudge was still going strong, considering how Jim had acted towards Sam.

Sam had returned to Iowa in the aftermath of Tarsus IV. Winona was home and had uncovered the truth of how Frank had treated them, then summarily cussed him out loud enough that their closest- yet still distant- neighbors had come over to ensure that nobody was dying. After that, she'd tossed Frank out of the house and was divorced as soon as time allowed. She had also tracked Sam down and updated him on everything that had happened.

Sam rushed home from college and greeted him with a, "Stars, Jimmy, I'm so glad you're alive."

Jim, still weak and angry at absolutely everyone and everything, had not been happy to see Sam. He was still angry about being left behind, about being abandoned. He didn't want anything to do with Sam or his fake concern for the little brother he'd always resented for taking their dad from them.

"Are you?" Jim had replied, his still-weak voice cracking under the weight of his vitriol.

He then proceeded to cuss out Sam just as impressively as Winona had cussed out Frank, airing his old and infected grievances. He had concluded with a quiet, fury-cold, "I don't ever want to see you again."

So, yeah, Jim could understand pretty well why Sam hadn't contacted him first.

"I... I suppose I get why," Jim admitted to Aurelan. "Our last interaction-"

"I know," Aurelan said softly. "Sam told me about it. Well, he told me enough, anyways. I don't know why you were in the hospital for so long, but I know that you were upset that he left you, and you let him know it."

"I was definitely angry." Jim glanced up and around and finally spotted Sam dancing with Scotty of all people. He laughed and looked back at Aurelan. "But I'm happy to have him back in my life."

Aurelan nodded, clearly contemplating something, before asking, "So, since I'm assuming you know your brother despite the estrangement, how might I go about telling him that I'm pregnant? Hypothetically, I mean."

Jim's grin felt like it was splitting his face. "Of course. Hypothetically." Aurelan's eyes gleamed mirthfully as they continued to dance. "Well, I would say that you would want to hypothetically tell him when he has quick access to a chair, and I would also say that you would want to hypothetically tell him while holding or having hid a camera."

"I see," Aurelan said, her solemn tone a complete contrast to the joy in her eyes. "Thank you for your hypothetical input."

"Any hypothetical time," Jim replied.

The two of them burst out laughing, and were only interrupted when Sam approached them and asked, tone mock-scathing, "Trying to butter up my wife, I see? You've already got your own spouse, Jimmy. Stealing isn't cute."

Jim shared half a glance with Aurelan before the two of them began to laugh again, Aurelan to the point where Sam had to put his arm around her to support her. He went from amused to a little concerned at that point.

"Did I miss something?"

"Ladies and gentlemen," their DJ announced into a microphone, filling the hall with his voice. "If I may direct you all off of the dance floor and in the direction of the cake, it's cake-cutting time!"

An impressive cheer went up from the guests, although Jim's as certain that about 85% of the volume was Joanna's shrieked, _"Yeah! Woooooooohoo!"_

Arm in arm, Jim and Spock ambled over to the small table holding their cake, their guests following behind like a small comet's tail. It was a beautiful cake, for sure. There were only two tiers, but that was enough to feed their wedding party. The cake was covered in airbrushed fondant designed to look like space, black and blue and purple and green. Then there was gold piping around the base of both cakes, and golden stars dappled across the cake as well. On the top were the two figurines, Jim and Spock each in their respective suits.

The guests mumbled and murmured appreciatively at the sight of the cake, and Jim smiled and Spock as they took up a position behind the cake. Jim picked up the knife first, taking a moment to admire the delicate designs of the handle before he did so. Spock then set his hand over Jim's, causing their connection to flare brightly to life.

I love you so much, Jim told him mentally.

And I you, ashaya.

As they sunk the knife blade into the cake, everybody cheered. Jim smiled, feeling happiness skip and leap around in his chest, leeching out to soak his skin.

"Now shove it in his face!" Joanna shouted, laughing.

"I am not going to do that, Joanna," Spock said, but his tone was fond.

"Awwww."

To be respectful of Vulcan culture and physical sensitivities (despite the fun that Jim had in their quarters abusing those sensitivities with only the best of intentions), Jim and Spock were feeding each other with forks. It was almost a shame, because the fork didn't allow for one to smear cake into their partner's face.

The cake was delicious, an Andorian spice flavor with blackberry filling that complemented it perfectly. Jim had almost forgotten how good it tasted, and sighed happily as the cake seemed to melt on his tongue.

"Get a room," Bones hollered, but his voice was lacking anything except positive emotions.

"We have one," Jim finally replied after swallowing his bite of cake. "You're in it."

Bones just made a face, which got a giggle out of Joanna. The face also got a smirk from Nyota and an amused rolling of Eleanor's eyes.

"He's not wrong," Nyota said.

"I didn't ask for your opinion," Bones grumbled.

"I know. I'm giving it anyways."

Joanna was gifted with the first piece of cake, and she beamed at Jim when he handed it to her. Last was Eleanor, who insisted, "Oh, no, I really shouldn't," and only gave in after almost a full minute of debating back and forth with Jim. It wasn't even Jim who got her to give in, but Joanna, who came rushing back to the cake table with an empty plate and told Eleanor, "You _have_ to have some, it's _so good."_

"Oh, alright," Eleanor relented, her face twitching into a bemused grin as she took a plate from Jim. "But just one piece."

After the cake had been consumed- and Jim wasn't ashamed to admit that he'd totally blown his diet by eating about four pieces of it, but it was his wedding day so he was entitled- Jim got up to dance some more.

"Come with me," Jim requested, and Spock gave him a look that expressed quite clearly that he was doing this to humor Jim, but accepted.

"I love you," Jim said dreamily, brushing his nose against Spock's.

"I love you too," Spock replied.

The words may have sounded flat to the ears, but Jim could feel what Spock was feeling through their bond. He could feel the love that Spock was blandly professing, the depths of it incredible and dizzying. His own love, although he loved with everything in him to the point where his body ached sometimes, felt dwarfed by the sheer scale of Spock's feelings. He had long since understood why Vulcans sought so strenuously to conceal their emotions.

After a couple of dances Jim was almost overwhelmed by the desire to leave, to seclude himself somewhere with Spock so he could spend hours doing nothing but worshipping the man he loved. He set his hands on Spock's neck so that his fingers were settled behind Spock's head and his thumbs stroked minutely across Spock's soft earlobes.

"I love you," Jim murmured. "Lets get out of here, yeah?"

Spock nodded in agreement, his lips twitching. "Yes."

So, while the rest of the guests danced and partied and ate cake, Jim and Spock slipped out into the hallway. Jim reached out and hooked their first two fingers in a mockery of both a kiss and hand-holding, so full of joy that Jim thought he might just burst with it. Together, they ambled out into the creeping twilight that snuck over the landscape, into the rest of their lives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys! I hope that you guys all enjoyed the final part of the wedding! It'll be back to nonlinear standalone chapters now, although I have no clue when the next chapter will be up.
> 
> The link to the inspiration for the cake probably won't work and will have to be copy-pasted, but here it is: https://goo.gl/images/KoXRBb


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vulcan spouses can make everything a little less stressful, including rockslides.
> 
> Set a little more than a decade after Just the Planets.

"A rescue party?" Bones asked, his voice quieter than normal and a touch accusing. Jim really wished they could've done this over over the comm system so he didn't have to see the sick, scared look that flitted across Bones' face even for just the briefest of moments.

"Yes."

"Jim," Bones demanded. "What happened?"

"We lost contact with the away team due to an earthquake," Jim explained, trying to keep Bones calm. "They'd been chased to the mountains by the natives, where the earthquake was of the highest magnitude. We're going down to rescue them, and I want you on the team."

"Jo was a member of the away team," Bones said, his face turning thunderous.

"She was, and I know better than to try and keep you from Joanna, so you're coming with the rescue team."

Bones took a breath, and Jim pretended that he didn't know that it was a breath of relief. As if to convince himself of something, Bones nodded sharply.

"What about T'Mira?" Bones asked.

Jim almost let his mouth twist into a small smile when Bones mentioned his daughter-in-law. In the years since their first meeting, the two of them had become incredibly close. Jim hadn't expected it, with all the shit Bones gave Spock- who was only half Vulcan- for being too Vulcan, and with the general disdain that about 95% percent of all Vulcans seemed to have towards Bones, but the two of them had shocked everyone with how quickly and how well they got along.

"She's coming too. Her bond with Jo will help us find them." Jim put a comforting hand on Bones' shoulder and said firmly, "Don't panic, Bones. She's alive and awake and not in the process of bleeding out or anything else unsavory- T'Mira's been talking to her through their bond since almost the moment their comms quit."

"I'm not panicking," Bones lied, his tone surly. He shrugged Jim's hand off if his shoulder and nodded sharply at the door, a dismissal if Jim had ever seen one. "I'll meet y'all in the transporter room when we're ready."

"Ten minutes?"

"I'll be there." Bones turned away and began to bustle around sickbay, always the overachiever. He could settle for a standard medkit, but he had an odd inclination towards prepping custom medkits specifically for each away mission. If it hadn't saved Jim's life and the lives of others on many an occasion, he'd poke fun at Bones for it. "Now shoo."

Jim did as he was told and shooed.

Ten minutes later, Bones strode through the doors of the transporter room, face grim. Also in the transporter room was T'Mira, Jim, Lieutenants Danvers and Thiiral, and Ensign Saled. Bones went and stood right by T'Mira, who gave him a small nod.

"She wishes for me to tell you not to worry," T'Mira said.

Bones smiled, just a little bit, and said, "Ask her if she's forgotten who she's talking about."

"She assures me that she has not. In fact, she predicted that you would respond in such a manner and says, 'Stop worrying, dammit, I'm no dainty debutante belle.'"

That got a loud, abrupt burst of laughter from Bones, and if Jim wasn't married to a Vulcan then he would've missed that T'Mira, too, was amused.

"Alright, team," Jim declared, clapping his hands together once to draw everyone's attention. "Lets go get our fellow crew members, yeah?"

Together they shuffled on to the transporter platform, and Jim found himself between Bones and T'Mira. He glanced over at T'Mira, who was looking right back at him.

"Can you pass on a message to Jo?" he asked, and T'Mira nodded an affirmative. "Tell her, 'We're coming, bunny.'"

T'Mira was silent for a moment and then spoke, her tone carrying traces of amusement. "She says to be careful not to fall off of any cliffs into ravines."

"I should be the one telling her that," Jim muttered, shaking his head in amusement. "Alright, Scotty, six to beam down."

They materialized on a part of a road, flat and bare of many rocks. Hardly fifteen feet ahead, the earthquake had caused a rockslide that blocked the path for a good couple hundred feet. The rocks were also trapping Joanna, Lieutenant Driller, and Ensigns Marshall and Devra.

"Do you have any clue where she is under all those rocks?" Jim asked T'Mira.

"I do. Follow me."

T'Mira began to hike up the small hill of rocks with a peculiar grace, and Jim struggled to keep up. He wasn't twenty-five anymore, as much as he might wish he was, and every year he found it just a tad more difficult to keep up with young crew members like T'Mira and Joanna or even Chekov.

"I can't read any life signs through these rocks," Lieutenant Danvers reported. "The mineral composition of these rocks is messing with the tricorder."

"Well it's a good thing we've got a handy-dandy Vulcan spouse around, isn't it?" Jim replied, and then called, "T'Mira, are we getting close?"

Now about ten feet ahead of him, T'Mira stopped for a moment and closed her eyes as if in concentration. She took a few steps forward, and then backed up, then paused. When she opened her eyes, she turned to Jim and nodded.

"The entrance to their cave is below us," T'Mira reported.

Jim looked down at the rocks below them. They were at the highest point of the rock hill, with about fifteen feet of rock below them. Jim sighed heavily, but nodded.

"Okay, here's the plan. We start to roll the rocks on the top off of the hill and into the lovely, convenient canyon to our left until we can squeak into the top of the cave. Clearing it to ground level isn't our goal- that would take too much time and put us in more peril than necessary. Does everyone understand?"

Everyone did, and so they got to work. The larger rocks took multiple people- on one occasion, all of them- to push into the canyon, and after an hour they were all exhausted and covered in dust but determined to get to their crew members. Jim knew he'd probably be feeling this for a week, but continued to push the biggest rocks he could find, if only to satiate his ego.

After another half-hour, Jim moved one rock out of the way only to be greeted with a bright, amused, "Uncle Jim! What took you so long? Is your old age finally catching up to you?"

"I'm only forty-four, kid," Jim replied, relief sweeping through him like a strong gust of wind. "If you're gonna call anyone old, make it your dad. I mean, at fifty, he's practically retirement-home material."

"Hey, now!" Bones protested from behind him, and then just as quickly decided to shove Jim out of the way. "Hi, Joey, how you holdin' up?"

"Fine, dad," Joanna said, her tone just the same as the one she'd used with him as a mildly annoyed teenager. Jim snickered and it earned him a hard swat to the back of the head. "Also, hey honey."

"Hello, k'diwa," T'Mira greeted from behind them.

Jim didn't even jump- being married to Spock had long since desensitized him to the uncanny ability of all Vulcans to be completely silent when they wish to be. Bones, unbounded to a Vulcan, jumped and consequently hit his head on a rock, then cussed and rubbed irritably at his head.

"You can't walk a little louder?" he complained.

T'Mira just raised an eyebrow at him. Jim began to laugh quietly and stood, wincing when one of his knees popped. He got a mildly concerned look from T'Mira- albeit a very mild one.

"Sit tight, bunny," he called down to her. "We'll get you out of there in just a sec."

"Where else am I going to go?" Joanna asked him.

It took another half an hour, but they were finally able to create a big enough hole that Joanna and the others could climb out of the cave. Joanna clambered out last before pulling Bones into a hug. After letting her father go, she hugged Jim. With T'Mira, she just held out her fingers for a kiss, which T'Mira accepted.

"Lets get back to the ship," Jim suggested. "Scotty, beam us up!"

Their shifts had finished while they were down on the planet, and so everyone reported immediately to sickbay just so the medical staff could be sure that they were all okay.

"Aw, come on, Bones," Jim complained good-naturedly as Bones poked and prodded at him. "I'm good to go, I swear."

Bones delivered one stinging hypospray, "For the aches and pains I know you'll be feeling in a bit." Then he nodded, sighing while he did, and stepped back. "Go on."

"You're the best, Bonesy." Jim slapped Bones on the back as he left with springy steps.

Spock was waiting for him in their quarters when he arrived, looking as regal and attractive as ever. His eyes softened when he saw Jim.

"Hello, t'hy'la."

"Oh, it's good to see your face, Spock."

"Your sentiment is returned."

Jim approached Spock and wrapped him in a hug, sighing happily. Tenderly- and familiarly, after so many years- Spock's arms came up to embrace Jim. Heaving another sigh, this one contented, Jim shoved his cold nose into the juncture of Spock's neck and shoulders.

"I don't think I'll mind handing the _Enterprise_ over to them," Jim said, thinking of Joanna and T'Mira.

"Nor do I," Spock agreed. "They will be... extraordinary."

"Yes," Jim agreed. "They will. Come on now, let's go to bed. I, at least, have had a long day."

"Would you protest making it longer?" Spock asked, trailing his fingers down Jim's and causing sparks to race up Jim's spine.

Jim smirked and let Spock lead him to their bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! It's been a while, and I'm currently in an unfortunate limbo where I'm trying to write about five fics at once, but fear not! There will be more fics coming, precalc be damned!


End file.
